


If I Fall Along The Way

by aewgliriel



Series: Live Our Lives Out Loud [4]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Children, Depression, F/M, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Romance, Weddings, autistic Jyn Erso
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 07:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13071768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewgliriel/pseuds/aewgliriel
Summary: Rogue One and friends rescued Auren Andor from the Empire. Now Jyn and Cassian find themselves working to take the next steps in their relationship, complicated by physical and emotional challenges.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I owe a lot to Starbird, who beta'd this for me, caught a plethora of typos, and helped me wrangle errant plot points. You rock!

_If I fall along the way_  
_Pick me up and dust me off_  
_And if I get too tired to make it_  
_Be my breath so I can walk_  
_If I need some other love_  
_Give me more than I can stand_  
_And when my smile gets old and faded_  
_Wait around I'll smile again_

_\-- "Bent", Matchbox Twenty_

 

 **\--Chapter One--**  
  
_Vohai_  
_The Outer Rim_  
_6 BBY_  
  
When Jyn Erso woke in the pre-dawn, she found herself tangled in both sheets and the limbs of a tawny-skinned young man who was currently drooling on her pillow. With as swollen and bruised as the poor fellow’s nose was--that was going to take days to fade, she thought as she winced--he could only breathe through his mouth.  
  
He'd been cute before he'd taken that fist to the face. Only time would tell how badly mangled his formerly knife-straight nose was. It had been sweet of him to try to defend her from those thugs, though.  
  
She sighed. She hadn't had to sleep with him. Even if it had been pretty amazing. Jyn didn't have a lot of experience, at least before tonight. She flushed as she remembered something he'd done with his mouth, and scrambled out of bed. He didn't look much older than her sixteen, but he was clearly lightyears ahead in that category.  
  
She took a hasty shower and gathered her clothes off the floor, dragging them on as she went. One of her earrings was missing. She eyed Jeron, still unconscious and snoring horribly, and decided she wasn't going to prod him into getting up to check under him for it. She was embarrassed enough as it was.  
  
Jyn rebraided her still-damp hair. Maybe, she thought idly, as she shoved her feet into her boots, she'd cut it. The long hair was too much of a grip. Saw had always told her this, but she'd ignored him until Jeron had made use of her braid at one memorable point during the night.  
  
Once again, she flushed clear to her toes.  
  
Seeing that he was *still* out, she took a moment to rifle through his battered, leather messenger bag. Jyn took the blaster she found, and half the credits she discovered in a pocket. Once, she would have been ashamed of that. Now, there wasn't a twinge of guilt over it. He'd gotten laid, hadn't he? Fair exchange, as far as she was concerned.  
  
Then she caught her hand in the strap of her duffel, slung it over her back, hung her own messenger bag off her shoulder, and escaped.  
  
Hopefully, she'd never see that man again.  
  
\-----  
  
_Home One_  
_Somewhere in the Athallia Sector_  
_0 ABY_  
  
“No!”  
  
It was a battle of epic proportions. At least, at 0700, it seemed that way to Cassian Andor, as he tried to get his five-year-old daughter to put her shoes on.  
  
“Yes,” he said. “Your mamá and I have things to do. You need to go play in the crèche this morning.”  
  
Auren Andor--formerly Auren McVee and Lainey Snopps--crossed her arms and sat down on her cot with a scowl to rival her mother’s. “No. Want Mama.”  
  
“Mama is in the shower,” Cassian pointed out. “Just put your shoes on, _nena_.”  
  
“No!”  
  
He wasn't sure what had inspired this morning’s rebelliousness. Auren was usually pretty placid, but today, she was grumpy and out of sorts. And he had absolutely no idea what to do. He'd only been a father--well, _knowingly_  a father--for a grand total of seventeen days. The situation had sort of been dropped in his lap, like most everything Jyn Erso did.  
  
Speaking of his fiancée, she emerged from the refresher in her pants and shirt, feet bare. The two of them dressed in there, what with sharing quarters but not actually sleeping together. They shared his bed, but with a child sleeping not far away, everything so far had been very chaste aside from some heated kisses when Auren was otherwise occupied.  
  
It was driving Cassian up the wall.  
  
“She won't put her shoes on,” he told Jyn.  
  
Jyn frowned at their offspring. “Why aren't you listening to Papa?”  
  
“Don't want shoes,” Auren grumbled. “Don't wanna go to crèche.”  
  
Sitting beside her on the cot, Jyn wrapped her arm around the girl's shoulders. “What's wrong, baby?”  
  
“Don't feel good.”  
  
She pressed the back of her hand to Auren's forehead, and told Cassian, “Her temperature is a little high. She might be coming down with something.”  
  
He dropped the shoes and sighed. He wasn't angry, only… Cassian hated feeling helpless. He'd been feeling that way a lot, lately. And come to think of it, he wasn't feeling that great this morning, either. A headache had been nagging him since he'd woken at 0600. “Alright. Since we're in orbit, maybe you should take her over to _Redemption_ and have her looked at.”  
  
“Good idea.” Jyn glanced at the chrono on the nightstand. “I'm going to miss my meeting with Leia, though.”  
  
“You don't want the fancy thing she's trying to plan, anyway,” he pointed out, as he grabbed his new brown jacket and shrugged into it. It replaced the one he'd lost on Scarif a couple months before. Soon, though, he'd be removing the rank plaque off of it. Whenever the Rebellion finished processing his retirement request. Honestly, how long did that kind of thing usually take?  
  
Jyn retrieved the shoes he'd dropped and somehow got Auren to put them on. Sometimes he wondered if she couldn't do those legendary Jedi mind trick things on people. Cassian had yet to figure out how she convinced so many people to follow her. Even if the council had refused the Scarif operation, it had been a narrow thing. Raddus had followed her. _He_ had followed her.  
  
Okay, that was partly because he'd been halfway in love with her already, but still.  
  
“Do you want the big wedding?” she asked him.  
  
He shrugged. “Not really? I never imagined getting married in the first place, so I have no preference. I want what makes you happy.”  
  
She made a face. “Well, a big to-do isn't it,” she sighed. “But how do I tell Leia no?”  
  
Cassian snorted. “When you figure that out, fill the rest of us in.”  
  
Jyn gave him a sardonic look. “Come on, baby, let's go see a medic.”  
  
Auren was small for her age, taking after Jyn in height, but she was technically still too big for Jyn to carry. Cassian decided he'd help them to the shuttle and scooped his daughter into his arms.  
  
She snuggled against his chest, head tucked under his chin. “Sorry, Papa.”  
  
“It's alright,” he murmured. “We'll get you feeling better soon.”  
  
He saw them to the transport over to the medical frigate, then went to his meeting with General Draven.  
  
\-----  
  
_Redemption_  
_Nebulon-D Medical Frigate_  
  
Jyn hauled the now-sluggish Auren off the transport shuttle. She was met by a burly orderly, a male Besalisk, who took the child from her with two of his four arms. Jyn followed him to an exam room, remembering when she'd roamed the corridors of this very ship while waiting for Cassian to recover from his injuries on Scarif. She'd been so anxious then about telling him about Auren. It seemed like a lifetime ago, instead of less than a month.  
  
The Rebellion had a wide variety of healers and medics, as well as a contingent of medical droids. They passed several Mon Calamari healers, human doctors, and a few species Jyn couldn't even begin to name. The Rebellion was a haven for the non-humans; the Empire was extremely xenophobic as well as sexist, and the array of alien species that made up much of the Rebellion’s ranks wasn't surprising.  
  
The doctor that came into the exam room was human, and one Jyn knew pretty well after weeks in her care. Skena Navin had long, auburn hair in a braid similar to the one Jyn had once worn, and sharp grey eyes. She smiled when she saw Jyn, but it quickly changed to a frown.  
  
“Jyn. And who is this?” she asked, as she set down her datapad and came over.  
  
“This is my daughter, Auren,” Jyn told her. “Auren Andor. Darling, this is Doctor Navin. She helped take care of Mama and Papa when we were sick recently, and she'll help me take care of you.”  
  
Navin’s brows nearly met her hairline. “Now I understand why you were upset that I couldn't tell you Captain Andor's status. Your file doesn't state that you're married…”  
  
“We're not. Yet. Soon, though.” Jyn found herself smiling at the thought. Like Cassian, she hadn't really considered marriage. Until him.  
  
“Congratulations, then. Now, let's see what we have here.”  
  
\-----  
  
It turned out that Auren had somehow picked up a virus from one of the other children in her crèche. She was the third such that they'd seen in the last week. It was particularly virulent, to humans only, and one Jyn had been vaccinated against as a child on Coruscant.  
  
Cassian… hadn't. Within four hours, he was aboard the _Redemption_ , in a shared room with their daughter, both of them hooked up to IVs. Both her fiancé and her daughter were tinged faintly green. Navin assured Jyn that they'd be fine, that with a few days of treatment they'd be good as new.  
  
That didn't make Jyn feel any better, watching them. Cassian had been sweat-soaked and pale when he'd arrived. Apparently, he'd mentioned a headache to Draven, then looked ill, and had suddenly collapsed.  
  
Now, Jyn stood in the corridor, looking through the window into their room. She'd been decontaminated before being let back out. If she went back in, she'd either have to stay there or do the whole process again. For the moment, she was separated from her family.  
  
“Nasty thing,” Leia commented, standing next to Jyn with a styroplast cup of caf. She had her dark hair coiled on top of her head, dressed in light tan pants and a white tunic. Jyn knew they wore colours on Alderaan, wasn't sure what prompted Leia always wearing white. Or Mon Mothma, for that matter. It didn't seem at all practical. “I had my shot when I was small. A year old or something.”  
  
Jyn nodded. “I should have gotten hers,” she sighed. “But they recommended I wait, since she was so early. And then I just forgot this one. It wasn't a thing on Kattada and it slipped my mind.”  
  
“Doesn't explain how Cassian missed his,” Leia said. “I thought Intelligence agents were vaccinated against everything known that their species can pick up.”  
  
“I have no idea,” Jyn said with a shrug. “But I'm told they'll be fine in a few days.”  
  
“Well, now you have nothing to do but wait. And plan your wedding.”  
  
Jyn snorted and shook her head. “I'd be fine with running off and getting married on a beach. Except I'm not fond of beaches anymore.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Scarif is- _was_  nothing but beautiful beaches. White sand, tropical trees, blue water. Dead Rebels everywhere.”  
  
Leia grimaced. “Oh.”  
  
“Maybe we should do that anyway,” she mused. “Give ourselves a good memory of sand.”  
  
“Maybe.” Leia crossed her arms and put her back to the transparisteel. “Draven still isn't happy that Cassian is leaving. He really doesn't like you.”  
  
Jyn made a physiologically impossible suggestion involving Draven, a nerf, and Jabba the Hutt, that had Leia nearly inhaling her caf. The younger woman choked back a laugh and said, “I'll have to remember that one to use on Han.”  
  
“What's his story, anyway?” Jyn inquired. “He doesn't seem the Alliance type.”  
  
“Luke and his mentor, Ben Kenobi, hired him and Chewie on Tatooine, to bring the plans to Alderaan. He was in it for the money, he said, taking them and rescuing me.” Leia shook her head ruefully. “I still don't know why he came back after we paid him and he took off, but he did.”  
  
“I get that part. But why has he stayed?”  
  
Leia grimaced a little. “He likes me. Thinks he has a shot.”  
  
Jyn glanced towards where Cassian once again lay in a sedated sleep. She could see parallels between them and Han and Leia. Her the criminal who acted selfish but stayed to fight, him the driven Alliance member scoffing at selfishness. Except she'd fallen hard and fast for Cassian, and he'd done the same. And it hadn't taken money to get her to fight. She'd done it for her family.  
  
“You look troubled.”  
  
Her green eyes met Leia's brown ones. “We just got Cassian out of here and now he's back,” she said, instead of what she was really thinking. "This is one of the few things bacta won't touch. I just… Why?”  
  
“No idea. Come on, you need to eat. Let's go find something and talk about dresses.”  
  
“I hate dresses.”  
  
“I know, but we both know Auren will have a fit if she doesn't get to wear one.”


	2. Chapter 2

When Jyn was sixteen, a few weeks after she'd left “Jeron” on Vohai, she'd settled briefly on Naboo. Not yet three months out of the Partisans, she'd taken odd jobs or stolen to support herself, left by her adopted father to fend for herself in an uncaring galaxy.  
  
It was on Naboo that she'd discovered she was pregnant. Sex hadn't really been anything Saw or the women of the Partisans had educated her about, and Jyn had realised that she had stupidly neglected protection with Jeron. The two or three men she'd been with before him in her short life had provided their own, so it hadn't even crossed her mind.  
  
Young and frightened as she'd been, she'd also been determined to keep her baby. Jyn had had no interest in attempting to find the father. He was long gone, and in a galaxy of trillions, with only a name--one she wasn't even sure was actually his--she didn't have any idea where to start, even if she were so inclined.  
  
No. It would be her and her baby. It would take straightening up, going legitimate. Or as legitimate as someone hunted by the Empire could get. She didn't _know_  they were still after her, but Saw had told her often that he believed they were. And while he'd had his issues with paranoia, that was something Jyn was inclined to believe, even as angry as she was for him dumping her.  
  
She'd thought about finding him, going to him for help. But he'd insist she get rid of the baby, and there was no way she was going to do that.  
  
Somehow, she'd ended up winning a sabacc opponent’s ticket to Alderaan. Jyn decided it was a good place to hide, both from the Empire and from the lowlifes she'd been surrounded by since she was eight. It was there that Auren had been born, prematurely and struggling, because her mother was barely seventeen and had no money.  
  
Watching Auren sleep, in her bed on the _Redemption_ , reminded Jyn of those months on Alderaan, praying to the Force that her baby would make it. It hadn't made her a believer when Auren had pulled through, not really. But she was more favourably disposed towards it now, at any rate.  
  
Leia had gone back to _Home One_ , leaving Jyn in the cafeteria closest to Cassian and Auren's room. She absently poked at the bland, largely unidentifiable food on her plate with her fork, and sighed.  
  
A shadow fell over her just as a voice asked, “Why so glum, little sister?”  
  
She looked up as Baze Malbus and Chirrut Îmwe sat on the opposite side of the table. A moment later, Bodhi Rook dropped into the chair to her right. “Hi,” she said lamely. “You guys didn't need to come over.”  
  
“Of course we did,” Bodhi said. “You r-really think we'd just leave you alone?”  
  
She smiled, feeling her eyes prick with tears. “Thank you. They'll be okay, I'm just…”  
  
Bodhi wrapped an arm around her shoulders as Chirrut reached across the table and covered her hand with his. She had no idea how the blind man managed that. So much of what he did defied explanation.  
  
“We've all had it,” Baze informed her. “There was an epidemic on Jedha years ago.”  
  
“I was vaccinated,” Bodhi put in. “I didn't actually get it. They-they vaccinated after.” He flapped a hand at Baze and Chirrut.  
  
“That was when I lost my eyesight,” Chirrut said. “A very rare complication.”  
  
“So you weren't born blind?”  
  
He smiled. “No. It only feels like I have been blind forever.”  
  
“Tell me about it,” Baze muttered.  
  
Jyn had to smile at that. “I feel like this is my fault. I forgot to get her vaccinated.”  
  
“And what is the captain’s excuse?” Chirrut asked archly. “Such a cautious man, surely he should have had it.”  
  
She shrugged. “It's not in his Alliance medical records, but maybe he got it when he was young and he's one of the few that doesn't get full immunity. I'm not sure. I'll have to ask him when he wakes up. He was pretty delirious when he got here. Force knows I'm making sure Auren is up to date on everything as soon as I can.”  
  
Bodhi nodded. “That's a g-good idea. Do they know how long it'll be before they're better?”  
  
“Three, maybe four days.” Jyn pushed her tray aside. “Leia keeps hounding me about the wedding. I think she's more excited about it than I am.”  
  
“It gives her something to do,” Bodhi said. “Keeps her mind off Alderaan, Luke says.”  
  
She looked over at him. “Luke says, huh?”  
  
The pilot blushed faintly. “We're in the squadron together. We talk.”  
  
Jyn grinned. “Uh-huh.”  
  
“He-he's not…” Bodhi grimaced. “Luke isn't … into guys. And I’m … Anyway, he has a thing for Leia.”  
  
She reached up and patted the hand he had draped over her shoulder. Jyn wasn’t sure Bodhi knew _what_  he wanted when it came to romance. “Aw, I'm sorry.”  
  
“Cassian asked me to be his best man,” he said, changing the subject.  
  
Jyn gave his hand a squeeze. “He told me he was thinking about it. I'm glad he did.”  
  
“When are you and the captain getting married?” Chirrut asked.  
  
“Don't know. After he's better, obviously. But I don't know if it will be before or after he retires.”  
  
Bodhi got up with a murmured, “I need caf!”  
  
Jyn bit her bottom lip. “Actually… I was wondering… I know it's a silly tradition, but when I was little, before my parents died, I wanted the big wedding. Eventually. I don't want the whole mess anymore, but I'd still…”  
  
Baze’s eyes narrowed. “What, little sister?”  
  
“I still want to be walked down the aisle. But Papa died. Would… would you two do it?”  
  
Chirrut’s grin was brilliant. “Of course! We would be honoured!”  
  
His husband didn't argue, just nodded.  
  
Jyn sighed. “Thank you.”  
  
\-----  
  
Bodhi left soon after to return to _Home One_ for training. He'd officially joined the Alliance and was Lieutenant Rook, one of the non-combat pilots. That had been his choice. For now, at least. He'd been offered a position in the newly-formed Rogue Squadron, but wasn't comfortable enough to fly an X-Wing. So for the present, he was a shuttle pilot and getting his hours in on flight simulators.  
  
Baze and Chirrut spent another hour with Jyn, then left for the planet surface. She had yet to visit it, though she and Cassian had talked about going. Between his schedule in training his replacement and the volunteer work she'd been putting in, training some of the soldiers in hand-to-hand, it just hadn't happened yet.  
  
And now Cassian was sick.  
  
After the Jedhans left, she wandered the halls for a while, then returned to lurk outside her family's hospital room. She stood at the viewport and watched them sleep, not yet ready to consign herself to hours locked in.  
  
Jyn heard the approach behind her, but didn't turn even as General Davits Draven drew up beside her. She glanced briefly at his reflection, but didn't look directly at him. He was a tall man, with receding rust-coloured hair and somewhat watery blue eyes. He towered over her, but she'd never found him particularly intimidating, no matter how hard he tried.  
  
He was the man who had ordered her father's execution, who had told Cassian to kill Galen Erso, and, when that failed, had sent a squadron to Eadu to do it.  
  
Jyn had forgiven Cassian his part in things, but she would never be able to forgive Draven.  
  
"How is he?" the man asked.  
  
Of course he'd only ask about Cassian. As far as Jyn was aware, he had yet to acknowledge Auren's existence. "Stable. Improving, I'm told, but they both got so sick so quickly."  
  
He shifted from one foot to the other, crossing his arms over his chest. "I should have made sure he got it along with all the other vaccines we gave him when he joined up. I don't know why we didn't."  
  
Jyn took a sip of caf--she felt like she'd had litres of the stuff by now, and the jitters would be setting in if she hadn't spent so much time pacing--and declined comment.  
  
Draven finally turned to look at her. "You know, I was sure you were a runner. That you'd take off the moment it was convenient. Instead, you went to Scarif and got the plans when the Council was too cowardly to do it."  
  
"Someone had to."  
  
"I owe you an apology," he said, and that surprised the hells out of her so much that she actually looked at him. "I thought you were a petty criminal, only out for your own gain. Captain Andor- _Cassian_  explained to me about your daughter. I understand now why you've done the things you've done and why you hid her existence from us. After what we did to your father, I can't say we don't deserve that distrust."  
  
She stared at him, unable to speak. Who was this person and what had he done with the real Draven? Jyn wondered.  
  
"All I can say in my defense is that I am a practical man. All reliable intelligence indicated that Galen Erso was a potential threat. My job is to keep the Alliance secure. I can't say that I would have made different choices if I could do it over again, but in light of everything that's happened since, I apologise, at the very least, for putting Cassian in that position."  
  
_Smart man_ , she thought. "I can't forgive you for killing my father. I can't and I won't. And I don't know if I can forgive you for what you've put Cassian through all these years. He may be your best, but he's also human, not a machine. He's burned out, General. He's been depressed and a little suicidal. You may be angry that he's leaving, but I honestly don't care. If he stays, he will die, and I'd really rather have the father of my child around than for you to get one more mission out of him."  
  
“I agree.” His hard face twisted in a faint, wry smile. “You're surprised. No, Miss Erso, I'm very aware of his recent struggles. Operation Fracture was intended to be his last mission before being transferred back into Recruiting, something he's exceptionally good at. But I think he needs a long vacation, at the very least.”  
  
She narrowed her eyes at the general. “Then why have you been delaying his retirement?”  
  
“Because I've been working on something for him and I didn't want the two of you to vanish before I could complete it,” Draven admitted. “I sent one of the new Acquisitions agents, code name Targeter, to retrieve a package for me. She's on her way back now with it. So Captain Andor will have a nice surprise waiting for him when he wakes.”  
  
Jyn frowned. She didn't care who the agent was, though Draven's tone seemed to indicate that he expected her to pry. “A package,” she repeated.  
  
“Consider it a… combined retirement and wedding gift.” He looked back to the sleeping patients. “I'll be back to visit him in a few days.”  
  
Draven left, a fatigue-clad giant, the medical staff parting in his wake.  
  
Jyn realised she'd drained her cup and sighed. She didn't want more caf. She wanted sleep. She wanted to sleep next to Cassian, with Auren snuggled close.  
  
Sharing a bed with him had simply happened. On the _Falcon_ , it had been the only space available. On _Home One_ , she and Auren had been moved into his quarters with no fuss, at his request. Her guest quarters were too far away for his liking, and his bed was bigger. Since they were engaged, it made sense.  
  
Jyn hadn't shared a bed with anyone on a consistent basis until Cassian. And she'd adapted to it alarmingly fast. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do while her family was sick. Go back to the flagship? Stay here?  
  
She leaned her forehead against the viewport and sighed, watching the steady rise and fall of Auren's small chest.  
  
No, Jyn thought. She'd stay here, sleep on the floor if she had to. Home wasn't back on Home One at all. That was where their _things_  were.  
  
Home was on the other side of the transparisteel, and so she'd stay.  
  
  
\-----  
  
Jyn dragged the lone visitor chair over between the two beds and sat. It was easier to be near both of her loved ones at the same time this way. For the moment, she chose to lean on Cassian's bed, his hand in hers. There was a cot waiting for her to sleep on, across the room, but for now, she was content to just sit with them.  
  
She'd never expected to fall in love. Especially not with Cassian Andor of Alliance Intelligence, who had looked at her the day they'd met as if trying to dissect her. But she had, even before she'd realised he was the long-gone man who'd fathered her precious daughter. Fate, Chirrut had told her. Destiny. The will of the Force. Whatever it was, she was grateful for it.  
  
“You know,” she said softly, though he was asleep, “It's really not fair of you to constantly sleep through the hard parts.”  
  
His hand twitched in hers. Eyes still closed, Cassian mumbled, “I fell off a tower. You can't hold that one against me.”  
  
Jyn grinned and lifted his hand to her mouth, kissing his knuckles. “So I can hold this one against you?”  
  
One dark eye slit open, and he winced even though the light was low. “I'm not sure what ‘this one’ is.”  
  
“You don't remember?”  
  
He closed his eyes again. “Not really.”  
  
“I brought Auren here to the hospital ship because she had a fever. I commed you to tell you she was being admitted for greenblight, you said you'd be here soon. I didn't expect that to be as a patient yourself.”  
  
Cassian squeezed her hand. “I don't remember much after you commed. I had a headache, and then I woke up here.”  
  
“You collapsed in your meeting,” she told him softly. “Toppled over like a tree. They've had you mildly sedated so you could sleep.”  
  
“How long?”  
  
Jyn checked the chrono on the datapad in her lap. “It's just after 2200. So you've been here about ten hours.”  
  
“Mm. So I have greenblight, too?”  
  
“Yes. You were apparently never vaccinated for it. But you'll both be immune after this.”  
  
He shifted a little to his side and turned his head to look at Auren. “How is she?”  
  
“Sleeping. They haven't needed to give her anything to make her sleep. She cried when they put the IV in, I held her until she nodded off. She's been completely out since. Doctor Navin isn't concerned. Says it's normal.”  
  
Cassian's eyes focused back on Jyn. “Mild cases?”  
  
“Relatively. You're actually worse than our daughter.” Jyn brushed her lips over his knuckles again. “But you’ve got to stop doing this to me. This is the second time in a month I've had to watch over you here. I don't like it.”  
  
He made a sound she couldn't interpret and closed his eyes again. “I feel like a bantha sat on me.”  
  
“Body aches are normal, Navin says. We can increase your pain medication if you need.”  
  
“No. I will be alright.”  
  
Jyn absently began petting his arm. She'd done the same on Scarif, and when he'd been in his coma after. She wasn't a touchy-feely person, didn't generally care for physical contact. But with Cassian, and Auren, she did it automatically.  
  
“Draven came to see how you're doing,” she told him.  
  
“Did he?”  
  
“Yes. And he apologised for telling you to kill my father.”  
  
That got his attention. Cassian raised his head off the pillow and blinked at her. “He what?”  
  
Jyn relayed the conversation she'd had with Draven. When she got to the part about pointing out Cassian's depression, he grimaced.  
  
“I know,” she reminded him gently. “And it's okay. You won't tell him where to stick it, but I can.”  
  
“No,” he sighed. “It's not that. I don't… I hate that I feel this way. I've tried to …”  
  
Cassian trailed off. Jyn wove her fingers through his.  
  
“When I failed to rescue Auren and I got sent to Wobani… I didn't care when the guards beat me or my cellmate threatened me,” she told him in a whisper. “I lost my mother, my fathers both abandoned me, and I had failed my daughter. I honestly didn't care if someone there killed me. It was temporary, that depression, but it was as deep and dark a hole as the cave I hid in on Lah'mu. I was there five months.”  
  
“I know,” he told her. He licked dry lips. Frankly, he sounded terrible but Jyn selfishly needed his voice. “I'm sorry it took so long to find you.”  
  
“I buried my real identity as deep as I could,” she told him. “But I still made mistakes. If I hadn't, I don't know if you would have.”  
  
“A scary thought.”  
  
She nodded. “I was alright with dying. I almost welcomed it. My hope started coming back when the extraction team found me, but it didn't… I didn't let it in until I was offered freedom by the chancellor. I sat there through that whole conversation, trying to figure out how fast I could get out of there and back to Corulag. On Jedha, I… Things changed on Jedha. I didn't want to leave her with those people but I started thinking maybe I had to. And then Scarif…”  
  
She trailed off.  
  
Cassian pulled her hand to his own mouth and kissed her fingers. “You've given me something to live for. You and Auren. On Eadu, when I was on that ledge with my rifle, I was thinking that if I pulled the trigger, you would hunt me down and kill me. And I thought that was better than I deserved. Kriff, if I'd actually done it…”  
  
Jyn gave her head a small shake. “You didn't. Don't think about it. I know all those people weigh on you, Cassian, but you need to let them go. You need to forgive yourself or it will just keep eating you. I need you. Auren needs you."  
  
He didn't reply, though his grip on her hand tightened.  
  
They sat in silence until he fell asleep again. Jyn reluctantly extricated her hand from his, smoothed the hair from his brow, and then checked on Auren. Little curls of dark hair plastered to the child's forehead. She bent to kiss her daughter's brow.  
  
The child stirred, mumbled, "Mama?"  
  
"I'm here, darling. It's alright."  
  
Auren fluttered her brown eyes open, then closed them again and subsided into sleep.  
  
Jyn watched her for a while, perched on the edge of the bed, then decided it was time to get some sleep of her own.  



	3. Chapter 3

The room was downgraded from a quarantine zone two days later. Jyn hadn't left since going back in, spending her time on the HoloNet or, at Leia's request, going over some stolen Imperial codes to see if they could be used to extrapolate new ones.  
  
That was easy. Jyn had been doing it since she was small. She'd apparently inherited her father's head for numbers, though it wasn't her favourite thing to do. Leia had kept this from Draven, because there was no doubt that the Intelligence general would want to conscript her. Jyn had no intention of staying, though she thought that maybe, she could do some independent work for the Rebellion with forging Imperial documents and the like.  
  
The door opened and Doctor Navin came in. Jyn sat in her customary chair between the beds, datapad in her lap, as she talked to Cassian. Auren was napping, though she'd been awake shortly before and was feeling impatient to be out of bed.  
  
"I'm happy to say," the doctor announced, "that I think the two of you are well enough now, and no longer contagious, to go back to _Home One_."  
  
Cassian brightened at that. He'd been so grumpy about being confined to the bed that he'd been irritable and snappish, a state Jyn was rather unfamiliar with. The only time she could remember him being churlish like this was on Eadu, after they'd crashed, but this took it to a whole new level of grumpy. Annoying as it was, it was enlightening. Auren was exactly as irritable when not feeling well. Jyn had had that trained out of her by Saw long ago. Seeing the same scowl on Cassian's face as on Auren's was amusing rather than frustrating. She was learning so much.  
  
"But," the doctor continued, "you'll still need rest."  
  
He sagged against the pillows and Jyn almost laughed. "Don't worry, I'll make sure they don't overdo it."  
  
"Good. Oh, and General Draven is here to see you."  
  
Cassian muttered something in Festian. Jyn had been picking up a few words here and there, but could only tell by his tone that it was particularly invective-laced.  
  
The doctor left and Draven stepped in. He seemed ill-at-ease, as if expecting to fall down with a plague at any moment.  
  
He didn't bother with pleasantries past a, "I'm glad to see you're awake."  
  
"Yes, sir," Cassian said neutrally. "I'm glad to be awake."  
  
"We picked up some Imperial communications the past few days," the general said. "It seems that 'Liana Hallik and Joreth Sward, accompanied by Princess Leia Organa and other conspirators' are wanted by the Empire for the murder of Imperial Governor Zafiel Snopps on Corulag. There's quite a bounty on your head now, girl."  
  
"Still probably less than there was for Jyn Erso," she said dryly.  
  
He inclined his head to acknowledge that.  
  
"I'm not certain the two of you should be leaving. It's a bounty for four-hundred-thousand Imperial credits each."  
  
Jyn glanced at Cassian, who shrugged.  
  
"Fortunately, they don't know who Captain Andor is," Draven continued, "and all holos of Joreth Sward don't look much like Cassian here. But I'm still concerned that leaving will put the two of you in greater danger."  
  
"We are in danger every day," Cassian pointed out. "I'm not staying, General. I've made my decision on that."  
  
The general sighed. "I thought as much. Still, it was worth a try. What do you plan on doing?"  
  
"Take a ship, find somewhere quiet to settle down," Cassian said. "If there is a place the Empire hasn't touched yet."  
  
"I can think of a few," Draven said. "Dressel comes to mind first. Takodana. They know of Dantooine as a former base but I don't think they'd expect anyone to go back there. You could probably blend in on Fest, though it's still got some occupation. I know that Travia would love to have you back, even if unofficially."  
  
"Who is Travia?" Jyn asked.  
  
"Travia Chan," Cassian said. "Head of the Atrivis Sector Force. Used to be the Fest Resistance and the Mantooine Liberators. I was with them until Draven here recruited me when I was sixteen."  
  
Jyn eyed the general in a new light. She still didn't like him, but at least she knew how long he'd been working with Cassian. Ten years was a long time. "From what I've heard of Fest, it doesn't sound appealing, but if we have nowhere else, I suppose it would work. Maybe we could move around for a while until the heat dies down."  
  
"If you're determined not to stay, that would be my suggestion. It's much harder to hit a moving target." Draven glanced at Auren. "I spoke with your doctor. She says that you're free to return to _Home One_ , but that you're to stay on restricted activity for the next week. After that, I suppose you'll be leaving, as we've found a ship for you and that package has arrived."  
  
"Jyn said you have something for me," Cassian prompted.  
  
Draven actually smiled, though faintly. "You'll need to see it when you return to quarters, Captain. I'm not going to spoil it."  
  
He left soon after, not one for small talk. Jyn leaned her elbow on Cassian's bed, chin propped on her hand.  
  
"So. We have a ship, we'll have credits. Where do we go first?"  
  
He shrugged. "I don't know. I'll compile a list of worlds where the Empire has no presence. Though I like the thought of Dressel."  
  
"I knew a Dresselian once," Jyn mused. "Has Obitt. He was a friend of my mother's for a while, also spent time with Saw's group. He was how Mama knew Saw in the first place."  
  
"I had wondered how your parents got tangled up with Saw and the Partisans," he said.  
  
"I don't know all the details. Has retired from the Partisans when I was, oh, ten or eleven. I do know he's the one who got us off Vallt when I was a baby. He mentioned it once. And he visited Mama sometimes when I was small. I'm not sure where we were then. Maybe on Alpinn. It's difficult to remember and we went so many places."  
  
He made a contemplative sound. "Do we want to try Dressel first? Maybe look him up, see if he's still alive?"  
  
She thought about it for a moment. "Sure. They have no Imperial presence at all?"  
  
"None. They're pretty much wedged between Bothan Space and Hutt Space and the planet has nothing the Empire can exploit. They're not in any strategic position, and the one attempt the Empire made at invading was rebuffed. They're solidly Rebellion-aligned and proud of it."  
  
"Alright. Maybe for a while, we can stay there." She chewed on her lip for a moment. "Though... I'd like to see Fest sometime?"  
  
"Tell you what. We'll go to Fest first, check in with Travia. I can show you where I grew up. Then we'll go to Dressel."  
  
"I'm good with all of that, as long as I have the two of you."  
  
Cassian reached for her hand, clasping it in his own. "I feel the same."  
  
"Do you?" She searched his face, still drawn and thin from everything he'd suffered recently. "I want you to be happy with us. I know what the Rebellion means to you."  
  
"Jyn. I wanted to leave before I knew about Auren. Yes, I'm scared spitless, because this life is all I've known for so long. But I want this with you, and her. I want new things. You don't need to worry about me. I'm happy."  
  
She sighed, still not entirely convinced, but willing to concede. "Okay. Well, if you're coming back with me today, you need a shower."  
  
Cassian chuckled. "I agree."  
  
\-----  
  
It was a few hours before they were ready to return to Home One. Cassian showered, then Jyn assisted Auren, who was still cranky over the whole ordeal.  
  
Baze met them at the transport upon their return and wordlessly carried the little girl back to their quarters before going to find Chirrut. Cassian wondered at times about the tall, silent former Guardian of the Whills. He looked gruff and dangerous, but he'd taken to Auren like a big, quiet, well, guardian.  
  
They all shuffled into the room, Cassian letting them go first. Jyn made a sound of surprise that had him turning quickly to see the cause of her alarm.  
  
“The package" that Draven had delivered sat in a corner, under a sheet. Even so, Cassian could tell immediately what it was.  
  
The KX series droid, presently deactivated, had some carbon scoring on its chassis. The coloured markings on it were blue rather than yellow, and the Imperial symbol on it was fresher. But still, Cassian felt the strange urge to cry at the sight of it.  
  
Auren yelped in alarm and hid behind Jyn. Her mother knelt and hugged her, saying, "It's alright, darling. This isn't a bad security droid. It's going to be a friend."  
  
Cassian brushed his fingers over the dark metal of the droid's head. It meant more to him than he could express that Draven had done this for him. Kaytoo had been his best friend for years, sometimes his only friend. His loss on Scarif had been devastating. He'd been trying for weeks not to think about the droid. Hearing Jyn call Kay a friend gladdened his heart, too.  
  
She said nothing as he immediately fetched his multitool and spanner, just put Auren down for a nap. Jyn had been there when Kay "died". She'd said nothing then, either, but her face had said it all for her. She knew what Kay meant to him. If she was his right hand, Kaytoo was his left.  
  
He sat on the floor to start working on getting to his primary drive. Jyn ran her fingers over his hair and said, "I'm going to take a shower, then I'm going to find us some food."  
  
Cassian nodded absently, already working on the bolts holding the droid's back panel in place.  
  
He'd overestimated his energy level, though, and by the time Jyn was out of the shower, he felt himself dragging. It was worse than when he'd woken up after Scarif. Sighing to himself, he put the tools down and crawled into bed.  
  
He was almost asleep when a small form burrowed in next to him. Smiling to himself, he tugged his daughter closer.  
  
“Papa? What kind of friend is the droid?” she asked.  
  
Cassian pressed a kiss to her hair. “The best,” he told her. “He's the best kind of friend.”  
  
\-----  
  
Jyn ran into Leia in the cafeteria, where she had loaded a tray of food to take back to the Andor quarters. It wasn't the best food, and Auren was probably going to complain, but Jyn didn't care. She'd lived on terrible things in her day. This was good compared to ration cubes and nutrient milk.  
  
“Mon mentioned you were back,” the princess said. “How are they?”  
  
“Tired. But Cassian is thrilled. Draven found him a KX droid to replace K-2SO. He should be resting but when I left, he was in the droid’s guts to his elbows.”  
  
“I wonder how he's going to deal with retirement,” Leia commented. “Knowing what I do about him.”  
  
Jyn sighed. “We'll see how it goes. He's going to need to keep busy, I know that much.”  
  
Leia followed her out into the corridor, telling her where the ship they'd found for them was. “It’s not a new one. But it's in good shape. It has two dedicated cabins and a small storage room that could be converted, besides the hold. And don't worry, I haven't let Han go near it.”  
  
Laughing, Jyn said, “Thanks. I can only imagine what he'd do to it.”  
  
The princess turned serious. “I heard about the bounty on Liana and Joreth. I'm not concerned about the price on _my_  head, it's nothing I haven't expected. But it'll make things hard for you.”  
  
Jyn shifted the tray in her hands, watching the brightly coloured gelatin cubes she'd picked for Auren as they wobbled. “I'm not worried about it. Neither is Cassian. We've got a rudimentary plan laid out. And if we have to change it, we will.”  
  
“Alright. As long as you're dealing with it.”  
  
“I've survived a lot. This is just one more inconvenience.”  
  
Leia nodded. Her brown eyes searched Jyn's face. “The only other thing is this wedding. You really don't want a big party, do you?”  
  
“Really don't.” Jyn chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, then said, “When I think about it, I see us by a lake, just our friends there. I don't wear dresses, haven't had much chance to. But I'd like something. And Senator Mothma performing it.”  
  
The younger woman looked thoughtful for a long moment, then slowly smiled. “You know, the planet we're orbiting has lakes. There's a pretty decent settlement down there, too. I'm sure we could find you something. I'll talk to Mon about it.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
Leia seemed to finally remember the tray Jyn was holding, and waved her off. Jyn made her way back to their quarters and found Cassian sound asleep, Auren cuddled close. She wasn't sure what to do with the swell of emotion at the sight, so she concentrated on putting the crowded tray down on the small table.  
  
Cassian woke at the sound, years of training making him a light sleeper. “Jyn?”  
  
“It's me,” she assured him. “I've brought dinner.”  
  
“Mm.” He carefully sat up, sliding his arm out from under Auren, and scratched his head. It left some hair sticking up. Jyn didn't point it out, because it was adorable and if she said anything, he'd fix it.  
  
Auren grumbled something unintelligible and rolled to her stomach, face mushed in her pillow. She didn't wake as her father got out of bed and crossed to the table.  
  
“Ordinarily, I'd wake her,” Jyn murmured, “but I know you both need the rest.”  
  
He nodded, looking a little bleary, and grabbed the plate she handed him. It was largely identical to hers; Auren's was the odd one out, with foods easy for a small child to eat.  
  
“Thank you. I didn't feel this badly after Scarif.”  
  
She snorted. “You were in a coma and in and out of bacta for twelve days. You just don't _remember_  the aftermath of Scarif.”  
  
He sighed and nodded wearily. The green tinge had faded from his skin; she still wasn't sure why the virus did that, but it was what had earned the disease the name of "greenblight". Auren was still a little chartreuse around the edges, but it wasn't as bad as before.  
  
Cassian sat at the table and poked a bit listlessly at his food. He stared thoughtfully at the droid in the corner. "Kay's backup was made the night before we left for Scarif. So if I do get him working again, he won't know about what happened there."  
  
"That's probably better," she said. "Not having any memory of dying is a plus in my opinion."  
  
He snorted. "Yeah. But he won't know what you did for him."  
  
"Or what he did for you," she replied gently. "Just think of it as amnesia. And this is why you made the backup, right? To restore him if something happened?"  
  
Cassian nodded.  
  
She gave his shoulder a squeeze, then went to wake Auren. The little girl was sprawled in their bed, and Jyn ran her fingers over her daughter's tangled curls before giving her a small shake.  
  
Auren blinked up at her and rolled over. "Mama."  
  
"Time to eat, poppet," she prompted. "Come on."  
  
It took a bit to get her up and moving, but once Auren was perched on her chair--on a stack of Cassian's jackets so she could reach the table--Jyn finally took her own seat.  
  
"Leia got a ship in for us," she told Cassian. "I haven't seen it yet, but she says it's a good one."  
  
"Not a pile of junk like Solo's?" he asked, one brow arched.  
  
She grinned. "No. And she says Han hasn't been let near it."  
  
"Good. When I'm feeling up to it, I'll have a look, but maybe you can check it out before then."  
  
"I don't know a lot about ships, I can barely fly one, but I will."  
  
He contemplated the piece of iagoin he'd cut off what they were calling a steak. "So we have the ship, we have a replacement for Kay. What's left?"  
  
Jyn chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, then said, "The wedding, I guess."  
  
Auren shoved a gelatin cube in her mouth and said, "I wanna dress!"  
  
"Don't talk with your mouth full, _nena_ ," Cassian chided gently.  
  
She chewed, swallowed, and said, "Sorry."  
  
Jyn hid a smile behind her hand. Cassian had doubted his ability to be a father, but he'd taken to it so naturally. Probably because he was a bit of a control freak, she thought to herself.   
  
It was still odd to be so domestic with him, knowing him such a short time. They were engaged, and she hadn't questioned whether she'd marry him or not. The only person she could see herself with was him, and not because he was Auren's father. Well, not only. She trusted him as she had no other being, not since she'd lost her parents at eight years old.  
  
There were things she didn't know about him, things he didn't know about her. But that didn't matter, sitting here, watching him help Auren refill her cup. She was content in a way she'd never been before, and she wanted to jealously hoard the feeling.  
  
He looked up, caught her eye, and smiled. Jyn smiled back.  
  
This was good. This, she could do. The three of them, together, against the galaxy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit short, sorry.

After dinner, Jyn made Cassian and their daughter go back to bed. Then she went to the hangar to have a look at their new ship. New to them, anyway.  
  
It was a small space yacht that someone had heavily modified with a definite after-factory laser cannon underneath and what looked like two cannons off of an old Z-95 Headhunter to either side of the cockpit, in addition to the standard ones on the short fins aft of the midsection. That amused her. The whole was painted a matte grey-blue with dark grey metallic accents, which she thought Cassian would like.  
  
“Well, that's a beauty,” a voice said behind her. Jyn glanced as Han Solo approached. “Bit unusual but really sleek. Looks Nubian. Those are usually really shiny, definitely not Andor's style.”  
  
She snorted a laugh. “No. Cassian prefers as unobtrusive as possible.”  
  
Han crossed his arms as he eyed the ship. “Should have good engines. Hyperdrive is usually pretty decent but I'm guessing she's had an upgrade or two in that area, from the looks of those weapons. Add a couple proton torpedoes and this baby would rival an X-Wing for firepower. Not maneuverability, but firepower.”  
  
“I'm not too worried about the firepower,” she told him. “I'm just concerned about its state of repair and how livable it is.”  
  
Han followed her to the landing ramp and watched as she triggered the mechanism. “You'll wanna key that to something. Invest in biometrics if you can afford it. Fingerprints’re faster than retinal scan.”  
  
He rapped his knuckles on the hull. “Could use a paint job but you probably don't care about that.”  
  
"You're right, I don't."  
  
She strode up the ramp and into the ship itself. The entry opened into a central area, basically a wide corridor with doors leading to different sections of the ship. Aft of the entry were two cabins, a refresher, a two-bed bunk room, and the small hold, as well as a storage room nestled by the larger of the two cabins. Fore of the entry was the galley and lounge area, a tech room with a repair station and a comms station with a HoloNet-equipped unit, and the cockpit.  
  
The cockpit had pilot and copilot seats, as well as one for the gunner--controlling the cannon underneath the ship--and another comms station, this one audio-only. The copilot station had controls for the weapons fore and aft. Jyn could pilot if necessary but wouldn't call herself skilled. The controls and hyperdrive were something she'd let Cassian have a look at when he was up to it. She did sit in the copilot seat and found she couldn't reach the hyperdrive lever.  
  
Behind her, Han snorted.  
  
"Shut up, Solo," she retorted. "You're shorter than Chewbacca."  
  
He didn't reply to that. "You want me to look at-"  
  
"Touch anything and I'll shoot you."  
  
Han laughed at that. Clearly, he'd never seen her fight. She was tempted to hit him just to prove a point, but after a few seconds, decided it was best not to. That was no way to repay a man who'd helped her rescue her daughter.  
  
Instead, she pushed past him and went to have a better look at the rest of the ship. The hold wasn't big, but it was decent enough. She had no intentions of starting up with either shipping or smuggling. The main cabin had a full-sized bed, an upright storage cupboard, and a built-in desk for a computer unit with a chair. There was also a private refresher with, to her absolute shock, a real water shower.  
  
Jyn gaped at it. "Who owned this?" she asked Han, not bothering to hide her surprise.  
  
"An old friend of Leia's, I think? A tutor of hers. The woman was visiting family or friends on Naboo when Alderaan was destroyed. Leia said she decided to stay there, so she sold the Alliance her ship."  
  
"But why give it to me and Cassian?" she wondered aloud.  
  
The smuggler shrugged. "You'd have to ask her."  
  
The second cabin was a little smaller, with no private 'fresher. The bed in there took up most of the free space, leaving enough for a storage trunk or two and the built-in desk and chair. The 'fresher next door featured a sonic shower.  
  
The storage room, Jyn decided, would be good for a small child like Auren. They'd fit a child-sized bed in it, a trunk for her things. She'd gathered a random selection of clothes and the toys that looked the most loved, but it still didn't amount to much.  
  
They'd fix that. Jyn wasn't sure how, yet. She didn't think the money the Alliance had said they'd pay them would amount to much. But anything was better than nothing, and she was sure that with her slicing abilities and Cassian's other skills, they'd do alright.  
  
“So you and Andor are gettin’ married,” Han said. “Seems a few years late.”  
  
She gave him a wry look as she turned around. “Better late than never. Thanks for taking us to Corulag, Han. We couldn't have gotten Auren back without you.”  
  
He shrugged, looking embarrassed. “It was nothin’. Couldn't let a cute thing like her stay with the Empire, anyway.”  
  
“It's not nothing,” she insisted. “Auren's all the blood family I have left. My father died last month. My mother died when I was eight.”  
  
Han began examining the controls for the loading ramp, clearly so he didn't have to look at her. She'd noticed that the man was brash and obnoxious, happy to accept praise for heroics unless it was something he'd done selflessly. Then he got flustered. So for the moment, she let him fiddle.  
  
If Cassian got Kay working again, they'd have him fix whatever Han messed up.  
  
“I heard your dad was a designer of the Death Star,” the Corellian said now. “That true?”  
  
“My father was a crystallographer,” she said, “working with kyber crystals in particular. The Republic supposedly had him working on clean energy research. Then the Republic became the Empire. I was five when Papa realised that he was working on a weapon. He wasn't… Papa was brilliant but he wasn't good with people.” She wasn't, either, and she'd wondered sometimes if it was genetic.

“They'd duped him into working on the weapon. So we ran and hid on Lah'mu. I was Auren’s age then. I was eight when they found us. They killed my mother, took my father and forced him to work on the Death Star. I ended up in hiding with Saw Gerrera until he left me at sixteen.”  
  
She wasn't sure why she bothered to explain in that much detail. A “yes” would have sufficed. But now that she'd started, it felt better to talk about it. Han didn't seem the type to judge.  
  
“Saw Gerrera,” Han echoed. “I heard of him. Kinda crazy.”  
  
“More than ‘kinda’,” she said dryly.  
  
“So your dad. What happened?”  
  
Jyn leaned against the bulkhead and sighed. “I didn't see my father for… almost fourteen years. I did some smuggling, slicing, you know, after Saw ditched me.”  
  
Han nodded without comment. As a smuggler himself, he knew the life.  
  
“But not a lot. Just for a few months. Until I met… Well.” She looked down at her hands, realised she'd left off her leather gloves that morning. “I met _Jeron_ , but it was actually Cassian under an alias. He went his way, I went mine. I found out I was pregnant, did a few more jobs on various crews until I was too far along. Got passage to Alderaan, had Auren there.”  
  
“Alderaan, huh? Same as Leia?”  
  
She nodded. Deciding this would be a long story, she moved into the lounge, motioning for him to follow, and took a seat. As Han dropped into another, she continued. “We eventually ended up on Kattada. I was there almost two years when … my employers were murdered, I was knocked unconscious, and Auren was taken. I don't know why. I spent close to two years chasing her. Found her on Corulag, with Snopps. I put together a group, got them to blow up his yacht and steal some of his merchandise, distraction while I snuck in. I suspect one of them sold me out. I was in the house, Auren was in my arms, and… I got sent to Wobani for a list of things, including attempted assassination of Snopps.”  
  
The smuggler winced. “But you didn't.”  
  
“Nope. Cassian, who had been following shipments of kyber around, missed me on Corulag by two weeks.” She outlined what Cassian had told her about learning of Bodhi and his message, and their search for her. “They tracked me down in Wobani, got me out so I could get them to Saw. Mon Mothma called him on his extremism and he told her that if any of her people got near his people, it wouldn't be pretty. That was after he ditched me. I didn't know until Cassian told me.”  
  
Han snorted, flattening his hands on the table. “So Andor breaks you out of prison, no idea you're the mother of the kid he doesn't know exists, so that you can help him find your dad?”  
  
Jyn smiled wryly. “Yes.”  
  
“What was the message?”  
  
Slowly, she told him about Jedha, the message from her father. Eadu, and Cassian's orders. Here, Han interjected with a “I knew I didn't like that guy!” about Draven.  
  
Jyn looked down at the table, and her tightly clasped hands on it. She nodded. “I almost- Cassian disobeyed his orders. We were going to get my father. But the Alliance killed him. And then they wouldn't believe me about the plans. They wouldn't listen. They wanted to surrender.”  
  
Han muttered something in Huttese Jyn wasn't quite fluent enough to translate. “That's shavit. That thing-”  
  
“Yeah. My plan had been to get Cassian to Saw, get paid by the Alliance, get out. Find a way to get Auren. But when everything else happened, I … thought maybe she was better off on Corulag. I had to go to Scarif and I didn't expect to come back. Stopping the Death Star was … bigger … than my personal problems. And Papa had made it my problem, anyway.”  
  
Han leaned back in his seat, arms folded over his chest. “You got the plans, though.”  
  
She nodded, told him in short, stilted sentences of Scarif. It was easier to lay it out like a mission debrief, clinically, rather than try to convey the detached terror she'd felt when Cassian had fallen, when she'd faced Krennic unarmed and the Imperial had had a blaster aimed at her head.  
  
“You got some luck there, sweetheart.”  
  
“Chirrut says it's the Force. I used to not believe, but…”  
  
Han looked uncomfortable for a long moment, face scrunched into something somewhere between consternation and annoyance. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I mocked Luke and his ancient friend over it, but… No way in hell could Luke make that shot with his targeting computer turned off without it.”  
  
“I guess, for those without it, it's hard to accept.”  
  
Jyn stood, feeling the body aches from all the time spent sitting by the hospital beds flaring to life. “I need to get back. Cassian can't handle Auren by himself.”  
  
“How they doin’?” he asked, as he pushed up from his seat. “Heard several people got quarantined for it.”  
  
“Auren's recovering faster. Cassian already had his injuries from Scarif, now he has this. He pushes himself too hard and I don't know how to get him to slow down.”  
  
Han smirked. “Sex usually does the trick. How you managing with the kid around?”  
  
Jyn flushed. “That is definitely none of your business.”  
  
\-----  
  
Both Cassian and Auren were still sound asleep when Jyn got back to their quarters. She quietly changed into sleep clothes--one of Cassian's shirts and a soft pair of pants she'd acquired from the lost and found--and slipped into bed beside him.  
  
He murmured something as she pressed close, but it was mostly unintelligible and in Festian besides. Smiling to herself, she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.  
  
Still, lying in the dark and listening to her loved ones breathing, sleep was a long time coming.  



	5. Chapter 5

Cassian dragged himself out of bed at 0500, amidst Jyn's sleepy protests. He didn't have to be up yet, was still on medical leave, but nightmares had interrupted his sleep all night.  
  
Before Jyn, he'd dealt with them differently. He never talked about them, mostly didn't even now. She was the same, he'd noticed.  
  
But before, he'd been alone. He didn't have a woman sharing his bed, stealing the covers or wrapping herself around him. He hadn't known what a comfort that could be, waking in the night from nightmares of death to find a woman who knew his shame holding him tightly, knowing she didn't think less of him for it.  
  
Still, there were moments when he couldn't just lie there with Jyn curled into his side. This was one of them.  
  
He pulled out a small glowrod and held it in his teeth as he opened up the KX droid and extracted the central memory chip. Cassian was so engrossed in it that he didn't notice he had company until Auren spoke.  
  
“Whazzat?”  
  
To his credit, Cassian didn't jump. Kriff, she was quiet when she wanted to be. He didn't know if she got that from him or Jyn, who could also be sneaky when she put effort into it. Maybe it came from both of them.  
  
He took the light out of his mouth and murmured, “It’s the memory core. I need to replace the programming on it. There are some other things I need to fix first, though.”  
  
To his surprise, Auren plopped into his lap where he sat on the floor with his datapad, multitool, and stack of datasticks. “Not-Papa had droids like this,” she told him in a whisper, head tilted to look up at him. He could barely see her face in the ambient light of the glowrod. “They were scary.”  
  
“They can be, _nena_. But when I get this one working, he'll keep you safe.”  
  
“Can I help?” his daughter asked.  
  
He considered the question. There wasn't much she could do, but… Cassian handed her the light. “Can you hold this for me? Point it right there.”  
  
“Why we using this? Why’s the light off?  
  
“Because Mamá is still asleep. You should be, too, you know.”  
  
“‘M not sleepy,” she told him. “I was asleep all _day_.”  
  
Cassian smiled to himself. He knew the feeling. “Hold the light steady. This is very important.”  
  
She aimed it at the open back panel. It had taken a lot of effort to turn the deactivated droid over the day before. Cassian didn't like how his hands shook as he unscrewed a coupling holding the wires to the arms in a bunch. He was still sick, and Navin would have his hide if she knew, but he _needed_  Kay back.  
  
But first, he had to disable a few features of the security droid, because he'd be stanged if he kriffed up and the droid tried to electrocute his five-year-old. Especially because Jyn would murder him.  
  
He'd fantasised about that on Eadu, lying on the ledge with his rifle, wondering how she'd kill him after he shot her father. He hadn't pulled the trigger, but he'd almost wanted her to do it.  
  
Funny what a difference just a few weeks made.  
  
“Papa?”  
  
He still couldn't get over the fact that this little sprite was *his*. “Yes, _nena_?”  
  
“Mama says you were sick before. Uncle Bodhi says you got hurt.” The back of her head thumped against his chest and she wiggled, the light bouncing. “Sometimes you walk funny.”  
  
For an eternal moment, he was back in the data tower, falling, crashing so hard into the support beams, feeling his body break with the impact. Cassian shuddered and wrapped his arm around her, leaning down to rest his chin on the top of her head.  
  
He nearly hadn't known her, nearly hadn't had this chance to hold her and know what an intense, unconditional love parenthood could be. It didn't matter that he'd only known her for a handful of weeks. She'd wormed her way into his heart as fast as her mother had.  
  
“I was,” he told her softly. “Your mamá and I were on a planet called Scarif. With Bodhi and Chirrut and Baze, and some others. We had to stop some very bad people, and I fell. I hurt my leg, and my ribs and back. But the doctors fixed me up. I was just in bed a long time, and I don't have my strength back.”  
  
“Oh. Was Mama hurt, too? Uncle Bodhi and Uncle Baze have funny spots on their faces.”  
  
He sighed. They were incredibly lucky Bodhi hadn't been blown to pieces. “Your mamá hurt her hip and her shoulder, but she's alright. Bodhi and Baze got a little burned. They were too close to something hot.”  
  
“Like the clothes press?”  
  
“More like a fire, but yes. It's the same idea.” He didn't want to tell her the horrors of war, but his friends were a perfect visual lesson to teach his daughter not to touch hot things.  
  
Auren pointed the light back at the droid. “Who were the bad people?”  
  
“They're called the Empire. The family that had you on Corulag were some of them. They aren't nice. They hurt people and make them do things, and take things from them, like you were taken from your mamá.” Cassian pressed his lips to the top of her head. Her hair was so soft. He wondered what she'd looked like as a baby. He hadn't asked Jyn. “The people we're with are called the Alliance. We do what we can to stop the Empire.”  
  
She was quiet for a long moment. Then, “If you stop bad people, Papa, why didn't you stop them from hurting Rek and Neela and Mama and taking me from Mama? Where were you?”  
  
He tightened his arm around her. “I should have been there,” he said, even though he knew there was no way he could have been. He hadn't known she existed, didn't know Jyn's name or anything. At the time she'd been kidnapped, he'd been deep undercover as Joreth Sward. “I'm sorry I wasn't.”  
  
“It's okay. You came anyway.” Auren grabbed the multitool that Cassian still held.  
  
He snatched it back. “No, _nena_ , that's sharp.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“It's called a multitool. I'll show it to you later. But you can't play with it.”  
  
She sagged with a huff of disappointment and Cassian didn't even try to hold in the smile. She was so like her mother. He took the light from her and clicked it off, blinking in the sudden darkness.  
  
“Papa?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Did Uncle Chirrut get hurt, too? Is that how come he can't see?”  
  
Cassian had to admit he didn't know what had caused the older man's blindness. “No, that happened a long time ago. Now, let's get you back to bed.”  
  
He tried to pick her up, and his arms shook, refusing to hold even her slight weight. Cassian was grateful for the darkness then, so that she couldn't see him.  
  
“Up you get,” he said, forcing his voice to sound cheerful. “Papá can't stand with you sitting there.”  
  
She clambered up and Cassian used a hand on the hulking droid chassis to stand, hating that his limbs trembled.  
  
He got Auren back in her bed, stood for a moment in the dark.  
  
He could get back in bed himself, rest, pretend he wasn't too weak to lift her. Or, he could do something about it.  
  
Jyn still snored softly. It was so tempting to lie down beside her.  
  
Sighing, Cassian fetched workout clothes from the trunk of his things, going purely by feel. With them tucked under his arm, he headed for the ‘fresher to change.  
  
\-----  
  
Bacta was an amazing thing, but it didn't fix the results of twelve days in a medically induced coma after a spinal injury. Cassian could walk fine, but he'd lost weight and some muscle tone. As a result, he’d spent an hour or two every day since his early morning conversation with his daughter in one of the rec areas of the ship, doing physical therapy in the form of weights or resistance machines. He'd never been particularly muscular, naturally possessing a lean build. It had never bothered him.  
  
Being too weak after his latest illness to lift Auren, who was only five and a half, did.  
  
He knew his strength would return. But Cassian already felt inadequate to be her father, with the weight of the things he'd done for the Rebellion resting heavy on his shoulders. He didn't want his daughter to ever learn of them.  
  
He also knew that Jyn was right. He'd gone to Scarif in search of absolution for his crimes. If he let himself, maybe raising Auren right would be that salvation. Force knew he desperately wanted this with Jyn: family, a future, _hope_. He hadn't realised until she'd placed it in front of him that it was even a possibility. Cassian knew he clung to it like a lifeline. It _felt_  desperate to him, but Jyn never looked at him with pity. Just that calm knowing and understanding in her gold-flecked green eyes.  
  
He still thought he didn't actually deserve it. But they were _his_  and for once, he was going to be selfish and keep them as long as he could.  
  
Sweat dripped down his brow, into his eyes, and he stopped his pectoral presses to wipe it away. He was pushing himself too hard, he knew. He'd promised Doctor Navin to take it easy. But the disappointment on Auren's face when he hadn't been able to lift her this morning was one more thing haunting him. He needed his strength back to take care of her, to protect her.  
  
He hadn't been there for the first five years of her life, but he loved her fiercely. The strength of it, given how much he sometimes loathed himself, was astonishing.  
  
“You are not a one-man army, Captain.”  
  
Cassian closed his eyes for a long moment, willing his irritation away. It wasn't Chirrut’s fault he was feeling short-tempered. “Who said I was?” he asked, glancing as the blind man picked his way across the room to sit on the bench of the next exercise machine over.  
  
“Your aura is dark and frustrated,” the guardian murmured. “What troubles you?”  
  
“You are the one who said I carry my prison with me,” Cassian grumbled. “Can't you tell?”  
  
Chirrut's smile was beatific. “The door is open, Captain. Only your grip on the bars keeps you inside.”  
  
He snorted.   
  
“Jyn waits to bring you into the light. You do them both a disservice by hiding in the dark.”  
  
“Both of them?”  
  
“Your daughter shines, like Jyn.”  
  
Cassian glanced over at the older man, whose milky blue eyes seemed to look over his shoulder. “And I'm dark, I take it?”  
  
“No. You are surrounded by shadows that block your light.” The guardian’s face, smooth of wrinkles because he didn't frown constantly like his husband, was solemn. “War takes sacrifice. I have taken lives and I do not relish it. But I do not let them drag me into the dark. The Jedi, who stood for the light, understood that balance requires sacrifice and to take lives at times.”  
  
“The Jedi let a Sith kill them all,” Cassian retorted. “I'm not really sure I'd take advice from them.”  
  
Chirrut's mouth turned down a little, not quite a frown. “You are afraid.”  
  
“Of what?” Cassian stood and retrieved a towel from a nearby stack and wiped his face and his bare arms. His Alliance-issue sleeveless shirt was soaked with sweat, and his back ached.  
  
“You are afraid that if you let them go, they will mean nothing and you will no longer care. You are afraid that will make you a bad person.”  
  
He frowned fiercely at the damp towel in his hand, refusing to reply. How the kriff did Chirrut always know these things?  
  
“I know people,” Chirrut said. “Not just the Force. I have devoted my life to helping others. I have listened to many. I cannot read your mind, but I still know you, Captain.”  
  
“Could have fooled me,” Cassian muttered.  
  
Chirrut grinned. “I am not here to lecture you, however. Baze says that he's heard from Jyn that you have a ship. That you will be leaving soon.”  
  
“That's the plan. Why?”  
  
“We realise that this leaving will be your honeymoon, in essence,” the older man said, “but we would like to come with you. If we may.”  
  
Cassian blinked. “What about Luke?”  
  
Chirrut tipped his head, blind eyes seeming to fix on him. “His path is not our path. The Force tells me to continue following Jyn, and you.”  
  
Cassian shrugged. “There's room on the ship. Jyn is converting one of the storage spaces into a private room for Auren. I suppose you and Baze can have the other cabin. It's too big for a small child.”  
  
"As long as we are not imposing."  
  
Cassian smiled, one corner of his mouth turning up a little. "Baze is always imposing. But no. You're not."  
  
Chirrut grinned. "Yes, he is. Now that we have settled that, I'm told Jyn doesn't want a big ceremony. Bodhi had an idea about that, if you're willing to listen."  
  
\-----

Jyn had just dropped off the breakfast trays, a few days after their return to _Home One_ , when Leia ambushed her coming out of the commissary. The younger woman latched onto her arm and said, “We're going down to the surface.”

“What's on the surface?” Jyn asked warily.

“Wedding dress shopping.”

“Do I have to?” she whined, then grimaced. She knew Leia wouldn't let her out of it. “Fine. But I have probably a hundred credits to my name and all of those were stolen out of Talaah Snopps’s pockets.”  
  
Leia snorted with laughter. “Don't worry. We're working on getting the money you were promised. This will just be an advance on it. Mon says you're welcome to have a private ceremony but that the Rebellion is having a party after.”  
  
Jyn wrinkled her nose as Leia steered her towards where the crèche was held. “We're picking up Auren, aren't we?”  
  
“She needs a dress, too.”  
  
“You've never been shopping with a small child in tow, have you?”  
  
“No. Why?”  
  
“Oh, gods. We're going to die.”


	6. Chapter 6

Aside from the trip over to the medical ship, Auren hadn't left _Home One_ since initial boarding weeks before and was so excited to be visiting the planet that the little girl was practically vibrating. The place was named something Jyn's human tongue just couldn't pronounce; the Alliance was currently calling it Base. It had a small but thriving population. The place’s main exports weren't anything the Empire had seen a way to exploit yet, so the near-humans who lived there had managed to mostly pass under the eye of the Emperor.  
  
Jyn had to keep hold of her daughter’s hand so that Auren didn't wander off. The city reminded her somewhat of Jedha, but the people here weren't oppressed or poor like they had been on that ill-fated moon.

Her visit to Jedha seemed like a lifetime ago, though in reality it had been a little over a month. So much had happened since then. Sometimes her mind reeled just trying to remember it all. She had nightmares, constantly, of being crushed in the rubble of Jedha, or dying on Scarif by falling from the tower or being incinerated by the Death Star. She hadn't talked to Cassian about it, but she hadn't needed to. When she woke in the dark, gasping for air, he was always there, just holding her. And she did the same for him. So far, they'd managed not to wake Auren with screaming fits, but she was afraid it was just a matter of time.

It kind of amazed her that she'd come to trust him so completely. She'd never let herself sleep beside anyone like this, always slept lightly with a blaster close. But with him, she could relax. It was nice.

Which was why she wasn't questioning this whole marriage thing. She wanted him close, craved the sense of security he gave her. Beyond that, she loved him in a way that she didn't have words for. When she'd thought on Scarif that he was dead, the grief had been so sudden and crushing that she'd nearly thrown herself after him. The strength of it scared and thrilled her.

“You're a million light years away,” Leia observed. “What's on your mind?”

“Just thinking. I don't even know when we're doing this wedding thing.”

“I was thinking the day after tomorrow,” the princess said. “Provided we find you a dress. And don't worry about the details. Bodhi and I had an idea that Cassian agrees you'll like. We hope.”

Jyn shrugged. “As long as it doesn't involve a huge audience and a dress larger than me, I'm good. I just want to marry Cassian. I'd elope with him if I didn't suspect he actually wants the ceremony. And if I didn't think poppet here would have a fit.”

Auren, skipping alongside her mother, wasn't paying attention to the conversation. Her big brown eyes swivelled from one sight to the next, fascinated by the myriad alien species surrounding them. Imperial territory was extremely unfriendly to non-humans, so the girl wouldn't have seen many during her time on Corulag.

Even though she'd tracked down and killed the beings that had kidnapped her daughter, and Cassian had done the same to Zafiel Snopps, anger and fear still filled Jyn when she thought about the nearly two-and-a-half-year ordeal they'd gone through. Auren was just about everything to her, and she'd lost her. It would be too easy for something to happen again, which was why she wanted to take her little girl and run.

She hadn't said as much to Cassian, but he knew her eerily well, as if they'd spent the last six years together instead of the last eight or so weeks.   
  
“She looks so much like her father,” Leia commented, watching the girl and her stop-and-start skipping as they walked, her arm tugging at Jyn's.

Jyn smiled down at her daughter. “She does. And she's sneaky like him, too. You know that thing he does where he just sort of appears out of nowhere? She's apparently inherited that ability. And the ability to vanish.”

Leia snorted. “You’re going to have trouble with her when she’s old enough to sneak out.”

“Did you ever sneak out of the house?”

“Palace,” Leia said, and her expression saddened. “I tried. Managed a few times, but when you’re the princess and everyone knows you, it’s difficult to get away with things.”

Jyn gave her a wry look. “I never snuck out. I didn’t have anywhere to go. And I was so terrified of the Empire finding me, I didn’t dare even when we were on Onderon or other planets with things to see.”

Auren stopped skipping and tugged at her mother’s arm, nearly toppling Jyn over. “Mama! Look!”

The shop they were passing had displays of dresses in the windows. Leia chuckled at how hard Auren was pulling on Jyn. “I think we’d better go in there before she dislocates your shoulder again,” the princess said.

“Again,” Jyn repeated wryly. “Auren, stop pulling on me, please.”

She’d thought her shoulder fully healed from being partially dislocated on Scarif, but Auren’s yanking on her hand sent shocks of pain through the joint. The girl stopped and looked up at her, big brown eyes apologetic.

“Sorry, Mama!”

There was no way to stay annoyed at her daughter. Jyn sighed. “You have to remember, poppet, Mama and Papa were hurt not long ago. I hurt my hip and my shoulder, and Papa hurt his leg and his back.”

“Izzat why Papa won’t pick me up?”

Jyn crouched and took Auren’s hands in hers. She knew it upset Cassian just as much, and that he’d been working out every morning, probably more than he should, to try to make up his strength. She hadn’t missed him slipping out of bed long before her, or the way his arms shook with exhaustion when he returned. She hadn’t said anything to him about it because she knew that it would do no good. Cassian was stanged stubborn, possibly more than her.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. He wants to, but being sick made him very tired. You see, when we got hurt… His back was hurt really bad, and he spent a long time in bacta. But being sick made his back tired again, so he has to get better there first.”

“Oh.” Auren frowned. “Can I help him?”

Jyn smiled and kissed her daughter’s forehead. “You’re helping just as you are, baby. Just remember to be gentle, okay?”

“Okay, Mama.”

Leia had watched the exchange in silence. As Jyn stood, the younger woman said, “You’re actually really good at this mother thing.”

“It doesn’t feel like it sometimes,” Jyn confessed. “I just… try to remember what my mother did with me. Though that was different. Papa and I are- were-” She stopped, chewed her bottom lip for a long moment, then continued, “He wasn’t good with people? And I’m not, either. I barely spoke as a child. I still don’t much. Mama had to talk to people for us. And… I get overwhelmed a lot. I just sort of shut down.”

The other woman’s dark eyes flicked over her, taking in the second-hand fatigues, the truncheon hanging from her belt, the fingerless gloves. “I read your file,” she admitted. “Your medical notes after Scarif. The medics noted some things, and in our talks, I have, too. You talk to me more than anyone else except maybe Cassian. And you don’t like eye contact, do you?”

“Kriff, no,” she muttered, then glanced down at Auren, who had turned her attention to a bug on the ground. “I force myself, but I don’t like it, except with Cassian.”

Leia nodded. “I’m not surprised. And if your father was the same way… Did he have a lot of nervous tics, do you remember?”

Jyn tipped her head and started for the store, hauling Auren away before she could try to grab the bug. “He did. When he was stressed, he’d wiggle his fingers a lot.”

Still nodding, Leia said, “One of my handmaidens on Alderaan was autistic. She tapped her fingers a lot. You clench your hands.”

“Autistic?” Jyn repeated. “I don’t know that.”

“It’s… I’ll have Dr. Navin talk to you about it. It just means you’re different? Not bad, just, you know… different.” Leia suddenly looked awkward. “Sorry. Let’s look at dresses, get this over with.”

Jyn nodded. She didn’t mind different. She’d always been different, other, an outsider, even amongst Saw’s people. Fitting in had never been much of a concern for her once she’d gotten over the initial fear of being amongst strangers. Cassian accepted her, Baze and Chirrut and Bodhi, too. Leia was her friend. Whatever this autistic thing was, she didn’t see what it mattered.

They entered the store and Auren broke free, making a mad dash for an enormous gown of pink synthsatin and tulle, covered in enormous swirls of silver embroidery in the shape of flowers. Just looking at the thing made Jyn wince.

This was going to be a long day.

\-----

Leia had informed him that she was hauling Jyn and Auren down to the planet to go shopping, so Cassian decided it was a good time to work on the droid without interruption. He appreciated that Auren wanted to assist, but she was more distraction than help.

He had the memory core out of the droid and was going through the process of overwriting it with Kaytoo’s backup when the door chimed. Irritated, Cassian shoved his chair back and went to the door. His ire shifted to a back burner when he saw his visitor was General Draven.

“... Sir,” he said, forcing his face blank.

“No need for formality, Andor,” the general said. He held up a bottle of what looked like good whiskey. “This is a personal visit. Unless you'd like to join me at the cantina.”

Cassian stepped back to let Draven in, then belatedly realised that Auren had left a bit of a mess that morning. He hastily gathered the detritus of a small child, shoving clothes and toys into the trunk they'd acquired for her things.

“I apologise for the mess,” he said. “You'd be amazed how much of one a child can make.”

Draven smiled wryly. “I'm somewhat familiar. I don't imagine that having Erso for a mother curbs her wilder impulses.”

“Jyn's better at discipline than I am,” Cassian admitted.

“I'm not criticising your fiancée,” the older man said. “I think we could use a few more like her in our ranks, actually. She's been very useful, training the new recruits when she never actually enlisted. The other trainers have spoken highly of her.”

“She's not undisciplined,” Cassian said after a moment. “She just doesn't like hesitation and dithering when pressed for time.”

Draven's mouth turned up at one side as he sat at the table. “The council still thinks Scarif was her idea. We both know it was yours.”

Cassian shrugged and set two glasses on the table. Fighting had been Jyn's idea. Going rogue with a strike team and stealing a ship--restealing?--had been his. They'd led it together, in any case.

“I was hard on her,” the general admitted. “When you came back, barely clinging to life. I blamed her. It was misplaced and I admit that. It was difficult for me to admit the true source of my… irritation.”

The younger man arched a brow, taking the opposite seat. He pushed the memory core and datapad aside; the transfer was still going and it needed nothing from him at the moment.

“Irritation wasn't how she described it,” he said mildly.

“No, it was definitely self-righteous anger. I was scared.”

“Of what?”

Draven cracked open the bottle, poured out two servings of the dark, golden-brown liquid. He took one, Cassian took the other. He waited until they'd both taken a sip before speaking again.

“I've known you since you were seventeen,” he said, speaking carefully. “I recruited you to my part of the resistance and I've fostered you since then. You've been my best agent, my smartest and most capable, and you've lasted the longest.”

Cassian sipped the liquor, wondering in silence where his commanding officer was going with this.

“I was married once,” Draven said suddenly. “Before you were born. I had a wife, and a son. They stayed on Pendarr III while I served with the Republic. Our neighbour was a Pendarran Warrior. They were big supporters of the Jedi, though I never met one until young Skywalker showed up.”

Feeling his stomach tighten with dread, Cassian set his glass down, wrapped both hands around it. He didn't interrupt.

“Petrine, my wife, hadn't wanted military involvement. I was already serving when we met, on a trip to visit my parents before my father passed away. She stayed there, waiting for me. She was there when Palpatine ordered the Purge. The Pendarran Warriors were included in it because they tried to fight the clones and protect the Jedi.”

Draven frowned into his glass. “Torben was seven, a year older than you. I was stationed on Coruscant. The troopers had entered the wrong apartment. They'd been gone two days before I heard anything.”

Cassian couldn't help wincing. Draven caught it, mockingly toasted with his glass. “It's why I'm the heartless bastard I am today,” he said sardonically. “I will do nearly anything to take down the Empire. But, that said… I'm fond of you, Andor. I haven't let myself show it, too unprofessional, but I am. You're a good man. A good soldier, your little mutiny notwithstanding, but I can't say I wouldn't have done it myself in your position.”

“I'm not sure what to say,” Cassian said, a little overwhelmed.

“You don't need to say anything, really. I've just been thinking a lot since you informed me that you're a father. I'm a little annoyed that we didn't find anything on your daughter sooner. Even I'm not heartless enough to leave a child in their hands.” Draven drained his glass. “I know we haven't been close, Andor, but you remind me of Torben, or the man I'd have liked him to be. I'm happy you have this chance, even if I'm a little dismayed that it's with Erso.”

Cassian snorted. He picked up the bottle, and at Draven's nod, refilled the other man's glass. “So this is why you got me a replacement for Kaytoo.”

Draven gestured with his glass. “You're not prone to whims or flights of fancy. I know that you've been burning out for some time. The spy in me regrets losing you as an operative, because you really are my best. But I'd rather have you leave and follow Erso wherever you're going than send you somewhere that will kill you.”

“... Thank you.”

“And one day, when we win this kriffing war, maybe you'll come back and work with me in a proper role where we can use your skills without bloodshed.”

Cassian tipped his head, considering it. “Maybe. If we win. If we live.”

Draven looked around the room. “I haven't met your daughter. I'm sure Jyn won't let me near her. Not that I blame her. I was surprised beyond words when you told me. And _then_  you followed it with a request for retirement.” He shook his head with a rueful laugh.

The whole conversation had the feeling of confession. Cassian knew Draven wasn't close with anyone in the Rebellion. It was difficult to send subordinates out to do what they did to begin with; being friendly with them would only make it worse. He'd had no idea that Draven regarded him so favourably, and he had no idea what to with the information now that he had it.

So he admitted as much.

Draven waved it off. “You needn’t do anything, Andor. I just thought we could have a frank conversation before your security clearances are revoked.”

Cassian smiled wryly.

“I should have seen this coming, actually,” Draven mused. “You’ve been a model soldier so long, a little insubordination is overdue. I'm still mystified by it being the Erso girl…”

“Only partly,” Cassian admitted. “I've wanted to stop for a long time, but didn't think I deserved it. I had nowhere to go, either. My family is dead. Until Jyn, the Rebellion was all I had.”

“You still think you don't deserve it,” the general observed quietly.

The younger man shrugged. “Do I? I don't know.”

“I do. I know what you've done for us. I know what it's cost you. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'd ask it of you again. But that's also why I'm letting you go now. I could have refused your request, but I know you, Andor. After Scarif, I know you'd desert if I didn't grant you this.”

He didn't bother denying it.

“But tell me this. When we hauled Erso into the command centre, did you know it was her?”

Cassian snorted. “No. I thought she looked familiar but put it down to how long I'd studied the Liana Hallik arrest holo.”

“And you didn't know about the girl.”

“Not until Jyn told me when I woke from the coma, no.”

Draven made a sound Cassian couldn't interpret. “Hell of a thing.”

“You're telling me.” Cassian shook his head, sighed. “I’m sorry to hear about your family. The Empire’s taken so much from all of us. And I know it was technically the Republic that killed your family, just like my father, but we both know it was the Empire at that point.”

The general nodded slowly, poured a bit more into his glass.

“As long as we’re being frank…” Cassian began, then hesitated, flushing a little. “You’re the closest I’ve had to a father since mine died.”

Draven’s icy blue eyes warmed a bit at that, though he didn’t really smile. “I’ll consider that a compliment, Andor.”

Cassian tossed back his glass and grimaced at the burn.

“So this wedding of yours,” Draven said. “I’m told it’s going to be quite the party.”

The younger man snorted. “Maybe after. I don’t know. We’ve let Leia and Bodhi, of all people, handle things.”

Draven arched a rusty brow. “Rook? The nervous pilot?”

Cassian shrugged. “He had an idea. We’re letting him run with it. And it’s keeping Leia distracted.”

The two men looked at each other, neither one needing to say anything about Alderaan. They both felt guilty, though Cassian had tried his damnedest to get the Alliance to _act_ before the Death Star was used again. And he knew that Draven knew it was the council’s fault for not listening to Jyn.

Draven slowly stood. “I’ll let you get back to the droid,” he said. “Where is your fiancée, by the way?”

“Dress shopping.”

The tall man smirked. “Now that would be a thing to see. I can’t picture Erso in a dress.”

Cassian’s smile was wry. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” he admitted.

“You going with the tradition of rings?” the general asked suddenly. “Not everyone does.”

Cassian froze. “Rings?”

Draven grinned evilly. “Erso might want one. Maybe you should go take care of that.”

“... Shavit.”


	7. Chapter 7

In the end, Jyn caved and let Auren get the garish pink dress. Her daughter wasn't going to be happy that her parents had a two-day stay at a local hotel planned, while they left her with Baze and Chirrut. The offer from the older couple had surprised Jyn, until Baze had quietly confessed that they'd frequently helped at a local orphanage on Jedha. That had shown her more of the big, silent warrior than she suspected he wanted others to know, but Jyn wasn't going to go blabbing.

Auren was beside herself with excitement for the dress, and hadn't complained about Jyn's own choice. Leia had been reserved about the selection until she'd seen it on Jyn, and then she'd declared it perfect. Jyn herself was very pleased with it, and actually found herself looking forward to wearing it.

“I'm guessing Cassian is going to wear his uniform,” Leia was saying, and as if summoned, the man himself appeared through the crowd.

Jyn's heart skipped a beat, and she found herself smiling broadly at the sight of him. _Two days_ , she thought. _We'll be married in two days_.

Auren's squeal of “Papa!” interrupted Leia, and the girl forgot her promise to her mother, pulling her small hand out of Jyn's to dash the last few metres to her father.

Jyn hugged the flimsiplast bags to her chest, watching Cassian drop to a knee to catch Auren. A funny warmth suffused her when he managed to haul her up, with only a little hesitation. Father and daughter had only known each other a matter of weeks, but they'd taken to each other as if he'd been there every day of the girl's life.

He pressed a kiss to his daughter’s forehead, and Jyn nearly melted on the spot. _When am I such a sap?_ she asked herself.

His dark eyes flicked to the bags she held, the opaque material hiding the dresses within. “I take it you found what you were looking for?”

As Jyn nodded, Auren burst out, “I got a pink dress! It's so pretty! An' Mama got a dress, too, but mine has sparkles!”

Cassian met her eyes over their daughter’s head and smirked. Jyn's stomach fluttered. “Mamá isn't much for sparkles, huh?”

“No,” Jyn said emphatically, and beside her, Leia laughed.

He reached out and caught her hand, running his fingers over hers. “I'm going to take her with me for something,” he said. “But I need your ring size.”

She looked down at their hands. “I don't actually know,” she told him.

Leia held her arms out. “Give me the dresses, and go find out. There's a jeweller three shops down, over there. Then we can grab lunch and let them do whatever mysterious thing he has in mind.”

Jyn passed the dresses over, reluctant to let go of her dress even if it was to Leia. That was silly, though, given how much she hadn't wanted to buy the thing in the first place.

Cassian took her hand again and she let him lead her to the jewellery shop.

“I see you're feeling stronger,” she observed quietly.

“Some. Alright, _nena_ , I can't carry you any farther.” He bent to set the girl down.

“Mama says your back hurts,” Auren said.

“It does. But it's getting better.”

“Mama’s leg hurts.” Auren popped her thumb in her mouth and looked at Jyn.

Cassian glanced her way, brow arched, and Jyn shrugged. “It's been a lot of walking. Dr Navin said I could get tired easily. I didn't do the physical therapy.”

“Jyn.”

“I know, I know. I should have. I was more worried about you and about getting our daughter back.”

He placed his hand on her hip, the injured one. “When we're settled,” he said, “I'm making you do those stretches.”

“You'll make me, will you?”

She grinned. He slid his hand around her waist and tugged her close, under the awning of the shop. Cassian ducked his head, lips brushing hers, and her breath caught. Desire unfurled, low in her belly.

“Ew,” Auren said.

Jyn dropped back, only then realising she'd risen on her toes, and chuckled. Her cheeks were flushed, and he'd barely touched her.

“Two days,” she told him.

He nodded and brushed at the fringe across her forehead. “Come on. Let's get our ring sizes. You _do_  want a ring?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I'd like rings.”

“Then we'll get rings.”

\-----

Jyn left Auren in his care, and went to meet Leia. Cassian found it quite the task to keep his daughter’s hands out of the trays of jewellery the native proprietor pulled out to show them. How did Jyn manage? Cassian wondered.

“Those ones, Papa!” Auren said, pointing to a matched set.

“Not the sparkly ones?” he asked her, amused.

She gave him a surprisingly scathing look for a five-year-old. “Noooo. Those ones!”

He picked up the rings, turning them over, then tried on the larger of the two. It fit him perfectly, lightweight but solid. He'd had to wear a ring undercover before, and it had always made him itch. But this… it was unusual, but felt right.

And the smaller ring was Jyn's exact size.

He looked at his daughter. “You sure this is what Mamá would want?” he asked.

Auren nodded solemnly. “Stars,” she said.

Cassian quirked a smile. He agreed. “Alright. I'll take these.”

His daughter wandered over to a display of necklaces and plastered face and hands to the transparisteel case, staring at a pendant there. It was silver, a star set with tiny pink stones.

“Star,” she said.

Cassian stepped over to her, ran his hand over her hair. “You like that, huh?”

“It's pretty.”

He looked at the rings in his hand, then to the jeweller. “The necklace, too.”

Auren gasped, craning her head back to look at him upside down. “For me?”

“Of course, _pequena_. But you can't have it until the day after tomorrow. You can wear it with your new dress.”

She squealed and began jumping up and down. Smiling, Cassian handed over the necessary credits.

“Come on, let's go find Mamá.”

\-----

That evening, after Jyn had got Auren into bed, she stood in the refresher, brushing her own teeth, when Cassian came in behind her and shut the door.

She spat the paste out, rinsed, and asked, “What?”

He reached into his pocket. “I wanted to show you, in case you don't like them and I have to take them back.”

He held up two rings, smiling sheepishly. “Auren picked them,” he said. “She was very insistent.”  
  
Jyn grinned at the scattered star pattern etched into the silver metal, the smaller one bezel-set with a cabochon that flashed between blue and green and white. “They're perfect. It's stardust.”  
  
"What is it with you and stardust?" he asked. "On Scarif, you said it was you. And it's the code word for Auren."  
  
Jyn smiled wistfully. "It was what my father called me. Stardust. Because of my eyes. At least, that's what he said. I don't know what their colour has to do with anything, but..." She shrugged.  
  
"It's the gold in them," he said, then flushed a little. "I love your eyes. I could stare at them for hours and not get tired of it."  
  
It was her turn to blush then. "Cassian."  
  
"I know I'm... I'm struggling, Jyn. It's nothing to do with you and Auren. You've made me happier than I have any right to be. I'm going to have worse days. I know that. But having you with me... I'd be dead without you, Jyn. I know it."

She slid her arms around him. "Don't talk like that," she murmured. "I know you've done things that make you feel that way. But you deserve this, Cassian. Maybe you more than anyone _because_  of what they've made you do."

He put the rings back in his pocket and wrapped her tight in his arms. "You don't know half the things I've done. When I told you before Scarif that the group I'd gathered were assassins, spies, saboteurs, people who've done terrible things, I didn't tell you that I've done all of those myself."

Jyn pushed back a little to look up at him. "You think I haven't?" she asked. "What do you think I was doing with Saw, Cassian? I wasn't always a petty thief and slicer. There's blood on my hands, too, some of it innocent."

"You said-"

"I know what I said. I shouldn't have said it. I was angry. I don't... think things through when I'm angry. I'm sorry."

Cassian kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry I said you don't care about anything. I know you do."

She hopped up on the narrow counter and wrapped her legs around his hips. “Cassian. I already forgave you.”

He cupped her face in his hands. “I love you. It took me too long to figure that out. I've never loved anyone like this. It scares me.”

Jyn turned her head and kissed his palm. “I know. I feel the same. But I also… I've never felt safe before, Cassian. This, us… I feel safer with you than I ever have. Don't worry about us like that. We _work_ , you and me.”

He leaned in, covering her mouth with his. She parted her lips, hands sliding up his chest to curve around the back of his neck. Cassian's hands gripped her hips, pulling her closer, and Jyn gasped against his mouth.

He pulled back, panting. “Kriff. Jyn.”

“Two days,” she muttered. “Just two days. We can survive that long, right?”

Laugh barely audible, he rested his forehead against hers. “Yeah. Baze and Chirrut will watch her, right?”

“Yeah.”

Cassian bumped his nose against hers. “Two days,” he repeated. “Kriff.”

She wrapped her arms around him, shifting to press her face against his neck, just holding him. His arms were solid and strong around her, and she sighed.

Jyn didn't let people touch her, usually. It took trust. A gesture here and there was okay. But to be held like this, Cassian’s hand sliding up her back to cup the nape of her neck, was so much more. He smelled faintly of soap and a little sweat, but she didn't mind. His shoulder was warm under her cheek, the pulse in his throat thumping against her nose.

If she could stay like this, she thought, for the rest of her life, that would be more than okay.

\-----  
  
Sexual frustration aside, Jyn slept surprisingly well that night, though the ache in her thigh told her she'd done too much. Once again, Cassian was up before her, though he was working on Kaytoo instead of at the rec centre.

Cassian clicked off his datapad as Jyn emerged from the ‘fresher. He had dressed Auren and she was seated at the table, short legs kicking as she ate her breakfast. “What do you want for your birthday?”

She goggled at him. “I'm sorry?”

“Your birthday. It's next week. Isn't it?”

She had to stop and think. It had literally been years since she'd observed it. Neela had baked her ryshcate the year Auren had been kidnapped, but it hadn't generally been an occasion she'd marked. “Yeah. I… Yeah.”

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing, really. I just… I've always done something for Auren’s birthday but not my own.”

Auren chose that moment to say, “Mother made up my birthday.”

Jyn grimaced. She tried to hide it but didn't manage before her daughter saw it.

“Sorry, Mama.”

“No, sweetheart, it's alright.” Jyn drew up a chair and sat. “I know you called them Mother and Father. You had to call them something. It's just… It reminds me that it took me so long to find you, and that they took care of you when I couldn't.”

Auren slid out of her chair and climbed into Jyn's lap, leaning against her mother's chest. “I didn't like them. They were mean.”

“What do you mean that they made up your birthday?” Cassian asked.

The child shrugged. “I said when mine is. It's three days before the Festival of Stars, huh, Mama? But she wanted it for Empire Day.”

Jyn snorted. “That's ridiculous. And yes, your birthday is the week before the Festival of Stars.”

Cassian said, “Mine is three days before the end of the year.”

“That's just before Fête Week!” Auren said.

“Yes, it is.” Jyn smiled. “I'm going to take Auren to crèche, if you want to try finishing up Target Practice.”

He snorted. “Yeah.”

“Target Practice?” Auren echoed.

“K-2SO,” her father clarified. “The droid.”

“Oh.” The girl frowned at Jyn in confusion. “Why did you call him Target Practice?”

“It’s … an old joke,” Jyn said. She dragged Auren’s breakfast bowl over. “Come on, finish breakfast and get your shoes.”

Auren attacked the rest of her cereal. As she pushed the empty bowl away, she asked, “Will you stay this morning, Mama? It’s show and tell but I don’t have anything to show.”

Jyn ran her fingers over her daughter’s hair. “Well, let’s find you something, then, huh?”

The child squirmed in her lap. “Can I take a blaster?”

“No, you may not.”

“Awww.”


	8. Chapter 8

After Jyn and Auren left--with some trinket or other finally chosen, he hadn’t seen what--Cassian cleared the table and sat down to finish Kaytoo.

Once he had all the parts in place, with the newly installed backups hopefully ready to go, he took a deep breath. The off switch, normally hidden by the backing plate on the droid’s torso, was exposed in case anything went wrong, and he’d disabled the droid’s limb servos for the same reason. All he had left to do was flip the switch and boot the droid up.

And yet, he was reluctant to do it. Scared, perhaps. Kay had sacrificed himself for them on Scarif, and he’d have no memory of that at all, of Jyn giving him her blaster or of holding off the stormtroopers while they searched for the data files. His last memory would be of the night before they left Yavin, after Cassian’s debrief with Draven about Eadu.

It was ridiculous, but as much as he wanted Kaytoo back, there was so much involved with this in his head. It was like resurrecting the dead, and that was a heavy thing.

Deciding he couldn’t put it off any longer, Cassian flipped the switch.

Because of the system reconfiguration, it took a minute for the droid to come online. The eyes lit, something within whirred. The head tilted.

“Cassian,” the droid said.

He let out the breath he’d been holding. “Kay. Welcome back.”

The droid looked down at his new frame. “This is not my original body.”

“No, it isn’t. That one... Let’s just say things went badly.”

“Is that why my arms are disabled?”

Cassian smiled wryly. “I had to reconfigure the new one, and I took precautions this time.”

“In case I punched you again?”

The human tapped the bridge of his nose. The original break had happened when the enforcer droid had whacked him in the face during the first reprogramming. “Among other reasons. How do you feel?”

“I am a droid. I do not _feel_ anything.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I restored you from backup. Is anything corrupted? How are your diagnostics?”

The droid’s eyes dimmed and flickered as he scanned his systems. “Everything seems to be operating at optimum function, aside from the electroshock feature.”

“And that will stay nonfunctional.”

“Typical.”

Cassian grinned. “It’s good to have you back, Kay.”

Kaytoo didn’t have actual facial features, but somehow managed to convey confusion all the same. “Do I want to know what happened to the original body? How long was I deactivated?”

Cassian shrugged. “I don’t know the specifics, actually,” he confessed. “You were on the other side of a locked vault door. You held off a lot of stormtroopers while Jyn and I got the plans.”

“The Death Star plans. We went to Scarif.”

“Yes.”

“And I died there.”

Cassian nodded. Even with Kay here, in front of him, it still choked him up to think about.

“How long ago was this?”

He had to think. “Over a month now.”

He explained the Scarif mission, how they’d gotten away, the weeks he’d spent in bacta. “There’s more, though. I’m retiring.”

“Were your injuries that bad?”

“No, no. I… Something else happened. I know you don’t like her, Kay, but Jyn and I are getting married tomorrow.”

Kay flashed his eyes in what Cassian knew was his version of a blink. “I beg your pardon? Have you lost your mind?”

He laughed. Still the same incorrigible Kay. “No, I haven’t. Do you remember when I told you about that girl on Vohai who robbed me, years ago?”

“Yes. You were very stupid during that mission, Cassian. If I had been with you, that would not have happened.”

“I didn’t have you yet,” Cassian pointed out. “And no, it wouldn’t have. And then Auren would not exist.”

The droid “blinked” again. “Who is Auren?”

“Auren,” he informed the droid with a broad grin, “is my five-year-old daughter. With Jyn.”

“... Please repeat that. I could have sworn you said you have a child with Jyn Erso.”

“I did.”

Kay made a noise approximating a sigh. “Oh, dear. You’d better start from the beginning, and explain this insanity.”

So he did.

\-----

When Jyn returned from an hour spent at crèche with her daughter, she found Cassian deep in conversation with Kaytoo as he finished up doing something inside the droid’s access panel. She stood for a moment, watching the pair.

“Hello, Jyn Erso. Cassian tells me that you gave me a blaster on Scarif. I do not remember this. I also do not remember deactivating, which I suppose is a good thing.”

She smiled wryly. “Hello, Kay. Up and running, I see.”

“As soon as Cassian finishes reactivating my legs, yes.”

“Well, we’re glad to have you back.”

Kay turned his head to look from Cassian to her. “I’m told you have offspring. When do I meet this child?”

“She’s at crèche,” Jyn told him. “She’ll be home for lunch, though, and then she’ll go back while Cassian and I finish packing up and moving things to the ship.”

She looked to Cassian, who nodded. “I told him that we’re leaving.”

He finished whatever he was doing and closed Kaytoo’s back panel. After a moment or two, the droid stood. The ceiling was less than a hand’s width above his domed head.

“Cassian says the Death Star is destroyed. That is good. I do not think leaving is the best idea, but there is a 98.5 percent chance that Cassian would be fatally distracted if you were to leave and he stayed. I will go with you to ensure his continued safety.”

Behind him, Cassian smothered a smile. Jyn said, “That's so sweet of you, Kaytoo.”

“I am not sweet.”

“Oh, of course. Forgive me. You're a big, scary droid.” Who, Jyn suspected, was going to turn into a big, metal puppy when he met his beloved Cassian’s tiny daughter. “Actually, it's really good you're working again. There's this Corellian pilot by the name of Han Solo, thinks himself quite the mechanic. I'm afraid he might have had a go at our ship’s hyperdrive. I know nothing about how that works, and I thought you'd know how to tell if he mangled anything.”

“I am not a repair droid,” he told her, “but I suppose I can take a look. If Cassian thinks it necessary.”

“Oh, yeah,” Cassian said, forcing a serious expression. “The things Solo’s done to his own ship would horrify you.”

“And I suppose I should familiarise myself with the ship’s systems if we are leaving in three days’ time.”

“Of course.” Jyn nodded. “I know it's not your specialty, but it would be such a help.”

Kay tilted his head. “Are you mocking me, Jyn?”

“Absolutely not, Kay. You saved our lives on Scarif. I wouldn't dream of mocking you.” Her lips twitched.

“Cassian said I had to,” he reminded her.

“And you always do as he says.”

Cassian inserted himself into the conversation. “Not as much as he should, but that's come in handy a few times. Let's go look at the ship, Kay, and you can tell me what you think.”

He gave Jyn's hand a squeeze as he left with the droid. She snorted softly as the door slid shut behind them. Kay was overbearing and haughty and annoying, but absolutely devoted to Cassian, and there was a light back in her fiancé’s eyes that had been missing since the droid had been lost. Just for that, she was happy to have the lumbering snarkbot back.

\-----

When Cassian returned from showing Kay around the as-yet unnamed ship, he found that Jyn had neatly packed her and Auren's bags. Their daughter had more luggage than the two of them put together, he observed with amusement. His fiancée was also surprisingly efficient at packing, something he supposed was left over from not only her years with Saw, but all her time on the run.

Jyn had packed his things in evacuating Yavin, and he'd left most of it as-is. That meant that he didn't need to pack much now, just a few things scattered around their quarters such as his grooming kit and the tools he'd left out on the table after fixing Kay. It didn't take much to gather them and store them in his footlocker.

Then he dragged his weapons trunk out from under the bed and set it on the mattress. He flipped the latches on the lid and lifted it. Nestled in foam shaped to the parts were a spare BlasTech A280-CFE, a newer one than the blaster at his hip, and matching configuration parts. He'd lost his favourite pistol on Scarif. These were the same model, but they still weren't the one he'd always carried.

Cassian picked up the shoulder brace piece, turned it over in his hands, then put it back.

He'd packed up the rifle extensions when they'd returned from Eadu. After giving his report to Draven, he'd returned to his quarters, performed maintenance on the blaster rifle, and packed its parts here. He'd taken the pistol to Scarif, but not the bits that turned it into a sniper’s weapon.

He didn't know if he should bring the trunk’s contents with them or not. The weapons were officially his, not the Rebellion’s, but Cassian wasn't sure if he could stand having the reminder with them. Part of him thought he should be ready, just in case.

From near the door, Kaytoo observed, “You are conflicted.”

Cassian let out a mirthless laugh and closed the trunk. “You wouldn't understand, I think.”

“You associate the blaster with your disobedience on Eadu.”

“Yes. And with my obedience everywhere else.”

Kaytoo tipped his head. “You completed your missions as instructed. You cannot fault yourself.”

“I've taken innocent lives, Kay,” he muttered. “For the ‘greater good’. How can I look my daughter in the eye and know that I almost killed her grandfather?”

“Given that Galen Erso perished regardless, I don’t see why she would need to know that you were _supposed_ to kill him. Also, she is five years and six months old. I fail to see what purpose it would serve to inform her.”

The human man snorted. “Yeah. I just… I still believe in the cause, Kay, but I can't do this anymore. I can barely look at myself in the mirror.”

“You are retiring. You do not have to.”

“That's why I'm retiring.”

“And your daughter.”

Cassian nodded.

“My calculations indicate that Jyn Erso’s influence accounts for 56.7% of your decision. But my data tells me that you have struggled with your role for some time. I do not understand why. It is a function that must be performed for the optimal success of the Alliance.”

Heaving a sigh, Cassian sat on the bed. “You know how you hate plugging in to other droids?”

“It is… unpleasant to parse through their programming and data files. I feel as though I pick up stray bits of their programming and sometimes as if I lose parts of my own.”

Cassian gestured to the droid. “That. It's like that, Kay, every time. I lose pieces of myself every time I pull the trigger and end someone's life. I know it's for the Rebellion and I …” He shrugged as he trailed off, unable to put it into words. A small part of him thought it was stupid to be trying to explain burnout and self-hatred to a droid. “I just can't do it.”

Kaytoo was quiet for several long moments. “I suggest keeping the weapons, because there is still a war on and you have a child to protect. But if it bothers you, Cassian, I will take them to the ship for you.”

“... Thanks, Kay.”

“You are my friend, Cassian. If it helps you, I will do it.”

He watched the droid carry the trunk out. He’d never quite figured out the source of the droid’s devotion to him, but he was immeasurably grateful for it.


	9. Chapter 9

The flight down to the surface, in their new ship, set Jyn's stomach to fluttering. If all went as planned, they wouldn't be returning to _Home One_. Ever. They'd spend that night in the ship, the next two at the hotel where Leia had commed her to say they'd gotten everything planned for the wedding. And then they'd be leaving for the Atrivis Sector.

Baze and Chirrut were already on the surface. Baze hated being on ships as a matter of principle and preferred solid ground under his feet. Chirrut was remarkably affable either way, though Jyn had noticed that he, too, preferred being groundside.

When Cassian and Kay put the ship down, they found the Guardians waiting for them with a hoversled of crates, and something that looked like a-

“Is that a bed?” Jyn asked.

Cassian nodded. “I asked Baze to keep an eye out for one. It didn't feel right taking the cot from the Rebellion and Auren needs somewhere to sleep.”

“Right.” Jyn could admit that she'd overlooked that detail. Of course he wouldn't want the child sharing with them. And now that she was actually thinking about it, neither did she.

Cassian tried to get Kay to help Baze bring the bed on board, but the droid refused. So much for doing everything Cassian says, Jyn mused. If Kay ignored Cassian when he wanted to, what did it mean that he'd actually listened when he told the droid to protect her?

The two men managed to get Auren's new bed into the little room that she would call her own for the foreseeable future. Jyn wasn't sure what they'd do when more children came along-

She stopped that thought in its tracks, blushing pink. Where had that thought come from? Wasn't one enough?

Cassian looked up from where he’d just deposited the trunk they'd got for Auren. Jyn was suddenly aware she stood in the doorway, blocking it. “Jyn?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you alright? You look flushed.”

“I'm fine. Just… thinking. Those are nice pants.”

He glanced down at the battered and worn fatigues. “These?”

She bit her lip. She was deflecting and she knew it, but she wasn't lying, either. They fit him really nicely… when he bent over.

She told him so, and it was his turn to go red. “How did you manage to do that spy face thing all these years, when I can break it just by saying I admire your arse?” Jyn asked, amused.

He caught her around the waist and pulled her closer. “It's you. You've ruined me.”

She laughed and pushed up on her toes to press a kiss to the freckle just under his bottom lip. “Good to know I can ruffle your feathers, Captain Andor.”

“Are you sure you want to wait until tomorrow?” Cassian asked in a husky whisper. “Because I'm sure I could ruffle your-”

“Ew, you're kissing again!”

They broke apart, Jyn laughing self-consciously. “I think we _have_ to.” To their daughter, she said, “Get used to it, poppet.”

Auren pushed her way between them and looked around the room. Jyn knew it was a far cry from the plush surroundings she'd lived in on Corulag, having raided the child’s bedroom for clothes and toys while Cassian liberated the girl herself.

She felt a sudden pang of inadequacy. So far, Auren had just been happy to be reunited with her, but Jyn had never had much money, and she suspected that even now, the money the Alliance was giving them really came from Leia and one of the secret bank accounts her father had set up around the galaxy to fund the rebellion without it coming back directly to Alderaan. Not that that had done them any good, in the end.

She wondered, for a moment, if Ezri had been asleep or watching the sky when it had happened.

Jyn shoved that thought aside as she moved to put the sheets on the single bed. It wasn't child sized, but Auren could grow into it.

The Snoppses, Auren's illegally adoptive parents on Corulag, had been the richest people on that planet, being the Imperial Governor as well as owners of a weapons manufacturing company. They'd lavished everything on Auren, and Jyn knew it was only a matter of time before the girl compared her poor birth parents with the rich adopted ones and found the Andors lacking.

Cassian, who had been able to read her like a giant, flashing sign since their official meeting on Yavin, frowned down at her. “What's wrong?”

Jyn shook her head. “Later,” she murmured.

Auren offered to help make the bed, but mostly succeeded in getting in the way. Cassian finally took pity on Jyn and carted Auren off to show her the navicomputer. After that, Jyn was done quickly.

She found Baze and Chirrut in what would be their quarters. Chirrut sat on a mat on the floor, legs folded, apparently meditating. Baze was perched on the end of the bed, examining a new blaster rifle. He'd lost his repeater cannon on Scarif; she wasn't sure where or how he'd acquired this one, but it was almost bigger than Auren.

“Settled in?” she asked.

“The bed is too soft,” Baze grumbled.

Jyn had to smile. “I know what you mean. I'm sure we'll get used to them. Thanks for finding one for Auren.”

Baze nodded.

From his seat on the floor, Chirrut said, “On Jedha, we frequently helped orphans. People would come to the Holy City and abandon their children with the Guardians. Even after the city fell.”

“That's terrible,” she murmured. “Why?”

“Because people are heartless and stupid,” Baze said.

Chirrut's mouth twisted in something approaching a smile. “There were many mouths to feed. We took what we could from the Empire and gave it to one of the orphanages. Before he became obsessed with causing as much destruction as he could, Saw Gerrera would sometimes make sure we had food to take to them. He said once that it was penance.”

“Penance for what?” Baze asked.

Jyn leaned against the door frame. “When was this?” she asked.

“Four years ago,” Baze told her. “Maybe a little less.”

Chirrut's sightless blue eyes seemed to be fixed on her. “You were looking for him on Jedha. You told the Partisans they would regret harming us. Why?”

“Because her father sent the pilot,” his husband reminded him.

Jyn shook her head, realising she'd never actually told them. “Not completely. It's… My mother died when I was eight, and the Empire took my father. Saw raised me. He abandoned me when I was sixteen.”

Baze arched both eyebrows. “You were a Partisan.”

“For eight years. I'm guessing he came to Jedha about two years after he left me on Tamsye Prime. I would have been on Kattada then.” She smiled a bit thinly. “I hope you won't hold my past against me.”

“No more than we do Bodhi,” Chirrut put in. “He joined the Empire to support his mother. We all do what we can to survive.”

Kay clanked into view and stood in the doorway. “The hyperdrive motivator’s regulator was tampered with. I repaired it. Are you certain this Han Solo is a friend? It could have left us stranded.”

Jyn snorted. “Thank you, Kaytoo. Han is a friend, he's just…”

“Lazy and reckless and self-centred,” Baze drawled.

“... Yeah, those, but he means well. Mostly.”

Kaytoo made a noise of disgust. “If I see him, I will tell him that if he touches this ship again, I will remove his hands.”

“You might have trouble getting past his Wookiee,” Chirrut said.

The droid processed that. “I will add this information to my calculations. I must speak with Cassian.”

He continued towards the cockpit. Jyn shook her head.

“So, tomorrow…” she began.

“Leia will come find you,” Chirrut said. “We have everything under control.”

“You're lucky I trust you,” she said, a teasing note to her tone. “Not just with my wedding, but with my daughter.”

“Don't worry, little sister,” Baze rumbled. “She is family.”

Jyn nodded. She never really knew what to say in response. She settled for an inadequate-feeling, “Thanks.”

——-

Auren wanted to sleep in her new pink dress, and had a tantrum when they wouldn’t let her. Then she crawled under her new bed, which Cassian had bolted to the wall and floor, and wouldn’t come out.

Instead of cajoling her, Jyn left her there to sulk. After a long moment, Cassian followed her out and to their cabin.

“Why are we leaving her under there?” he asked.

“She’ll come out when she’s ready. Dragging her out would only make things worse.” Jyn sighed and began pulling the pins and tie from her hair. He liked when she had it down, which wasn’t often. She slept with it in a ponytail most nights, now that she could actually relax to sleep. The first night they’d shared the bed in his quarters, she’d been so tense. It had taken over an hour for her to relax enough to sleep, and she’d kept her hair pinned. He knew why, and he ached for everything she’d been through.

“Okay.”

“And because I’m frustrated with her.”

“I don’t think it’s her fault. We’ve all been through a lot of stress and change recently.”

Jyn sighed and sat down on the bed to pull her boots off. “She’s pushing us,” she said after a moment. “Testing where we’ll draw the line. I suspect that the Snoppses gave her nearly everything she wanted, even things she didn’t. You should have seen her rooms, Cassian. She’s five and she had her own ‘fresher.”

He snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”

“And here _we_ are.” She waved a hand at their private refresher. “This is the nicest one I’ve ever had to call my own, and it pales next to the one she had. The ones on Alderaan and Kattada were so utilitarian.”

Cassian smirked and sat beside her, bumping her a little with his shoulder. “It’s early days, Jyn. We all have to get used to each other.”

He shifted and hooked his finger under her chin, tipping her chin up. “We may not be able to give her as much as they did, but we love her and we will raise her the way we weren’t. I don’t know what kind of life we’ll have on Dressel, or even if we’ll stay there. But we’ll do this the best we can.”

She wrapped her hand around his wrist, her thumb stroking the base of his. She didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I’m so tempted to think everything will be fine from now on, but I’m also scared that something will happen and-”

“Don’t borrow trouble,” he whispered. “Anything happens, we’ll handle it. We’re not your parents, hiding alone. We’re soldiers, and we have Baze and Chirrut. I suspect we’re stuck with them.”

She chuckled and moved her hand to cup his cheek. “They’re family now.”

Cassian rested his forehead against hers. “Let’s get to bed. I’m told I shouldn’t even be here tonight, that I shouldn’t see you until the wedding, but I don’t care.”

Jyn sighed, turning her head to kiss him, just a light brush of her lips against his. “We’re really doing this, aren’t we?”

“We are.”

There was a tap at the door. Cassian sighed and stood to answer it. Auren, face streaked with dried tears, stood outside with Mog in her arms.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, face buried in the toy.

Cassian picked her up and settled her against his side, hand on her small back. She looped an arm around his neck and leaned into his shoulder. “What’s wrong, _nena_?” he asked.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what, poppet?” Jyn got to her feet and crossed the few steps to them.

“That you’ll leave me with Uncle Baze an’ Uncle Chirrut an’ never come back.”

Cassian met Jyn’s gaze over Auren’s head. “That won’t happen,” he told the child. “Mamá and I will be back in two days. We won’t even be going far. Then we’ll go find a house for us, okay?”

“Promise?” Auren lifted her head and studied their faces.

Jyn reached up to run her fingers through their daughter’s curls. “We promise, sweetheart. Of course we promise.”

Cassian just hoped it was one they could keep. He’d do everything in his power to make sure he kept coming back to his girls, no matter how many times he might be parted from them.

“I’ll put her to bed,” he told Jyn.

She nodded and took her sleep clothes to the ‘fresher, while he went to tuck Auren into bed.


	10. Chapter 10

Jyn woke to an empty bed and the vague memory of Cassian pressing a kiss to her forehead as he left. She pushed up on her elbows and heaved a sigh. The bedside chrono indicated it was earlier than she’d like to be up, but she’d already passed a fairly restless night and didn’t feel like trying to get back to sleep.

Instead, she rose from the bed and made it, then checked on Auren--fast asleep--before stumbling to the ‘fresher to take a shower. By the time she’d washed and dragged a comb through her hair, Auren was awake and itching to put her dress on.

“Not until closer to the ceremony,” she told the child. “We don’t want to get it dirty.”

As predicted, Auren was horrified at the thought of getting dirt on her pretty new dress. Jyn helped her daughter into an appropriate outfit for the first half of the day, reflecting on the times she’d spent on Lah’mu, grubby up to her eyebrows from afternoons spent digging in the dirt or sand or whatever else she could get into.

Then she found herself standing in her cabin, staring at the dress she’d pulled from its bag and hung from a peg on the wall, studying the green fabric with something approaching trepidation. When she’d bought it, just two days before, it had seemed perfect. But now, she wasn’t sure. Would Cassian like it? It wasn’t at all what she’d consider “traditional”, at least by Coruscant or Naboo or Alderaan standards, but …

She and Cassian weren’t traditional, anyway. As long as she felt pretty in it, which she definitely did, it was good. It was too late to change her mind on it even if she wanted to.

She didn’t know what to do with herself until Leia arrived. Jyn had had to get used to waiting, of course she had, but that didn’t mean she liked it. She’d never been one for sitting still, not like Cassian could. Auren’s energy definitely came from her.

There was a chime at the door. When Jyn answered it, she found Kaytoo there. Nearby, just out of sight, she heard Auren’s high voice telling Baze all about her new dress, and the answering low rumble of the guardian’s reply.

“Hi,” she said to the droid. “What’s up?”

“Cassian told me to see if there is anything you need.”

Jyn’s eyebrows nearly met her hairline. “Not that I can think of. Why, were you bothering him?”

“I presume so. I have never seen him acting this way.”

She grinned. “Is he nervous?”

“I believe so. Are you?”

She thought about it for a moment. “No, not really. I mean, I’m not thrilled about having all those people looking at me, but I have no doubts about marrying Cassian.”

The hulking droid considered that, then said, “You make him happy. I do not understand how this happened in such a short time, but I know that organics are strange and sometimes form attachments quickly.”

Jyn snorted. “We can, yeah. Cassian and I… went through a lot together. That kind of thing forms bonds pretty fast, I guess.”

Kaytoo offered no comment on that.

“Are you upset that you’re not acting as Cassian’s best man?” she asked, after a moment spent gazing up at the very tall droid.

“Why would I be?” Kay asked. “It is a human ceremony. I am a droid. Bodhi is the closest Cassian has to a human relative, barring General Draven.”

Jyn felt her eyelid twitch at the thought of Draven standing up with Cassian for this.

“You still do not care for the general,” the droid stated.

“Rather not,” she agreed. “He told the man I’m about to marry, the father of my child, to murder my father. I think I’m entitled.”

Kay pondered that. “I thought you had moved beyond that.”

Jyn shrugged. She hesitated, then said, “I haven’t told Cassian, but… Draven blamed me for Alderaan. He said it was my fault that they died.”

“That is a logical fallacy. It is impossible for you to be responsible for the Empire using the Death Star on Alderaan.”

“I know. He said it was because… The fleet was halved at Scarif, and… I don’t know. He was angry at me for nearly getting Cassian killed.”

“I suggest you inform Cassian of this.”

She shrugged again. “To what purpose? To upset him? I might tell him, but not today.”

“Yes, I agree that would be unwise.”

“You and me agreeing on something. That’s a surprise.”

The droid’s face was blank but his vocoder was wry. “When it comes to Cassian’s well-being, I suspect we will agree on many things.”

——-

Cassian had woken early, after a night as restless as Jyn’s, and gone for a dawn run. After showering, he’d gone to meet Bodhi and Chirrut. Since Baze was acting as Jyn’s father figure in this thing, he had stayed behind.

The ceremony was to be outdoors, in the courtyard of the hotel where the big reception would be that night. There were chairs being set out as Bodhi showed Cassian around, and someone had erected a tent at one side of the courtyard, a low table at the other.

“So you’ll both be waiting in the tent, but there’s a divider so you don’t see each other,” Bodhi told him. “You come out first and then wait here, with me and Chirrut.”

Cassian nodded. “Do I need to be in there when she gets here?”

“N-no. Leia will bring Jyn and Auren to get ready. We can be inside the hotel.” Bodhi gestured to the big, sliding transparisteel doors they’d just come through. “I know you probably th-think this is silly.”

He clapped the fidgety pilot on the shoulder. “Not at all, Bodhi. You three are our family, now, and we’re happy to share your traditions. I don’t really know what was traditional on Fest, and Jyn’s never had a place to call home, so she has nothing to incorporate.”

Bodhi smiled broadly. “Thank you.”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” Cassian assured him. And he absolutely meant it. The survivors of Rogue One _were_  his family, after everything they’d been through. “Now, what am I supposed to be wearing for this?”

“It’s not traditional Jedhan wedding attire,” the younger man said, “but I think it will work for us. We can make new traditions, too, right? The Empire wouldn’t let us do so many things.”

Chirrut spoke for the first time since they’d come outside. “They tried to wipe us out. But the Force is strong.”

They went to the hotel room that had been secured for the soon-to-be Andors, where Cassian had spent the early morning showering and having breakfast. A courier droid had delivered a garment bag of opaque, black plastic and laid it on the bed. Cassian tried not to think about what he’d hopefully be doing with Jyn there in just hours.

“Leia helped,” Bodhi said, as Cassian unzipped the bag. “I could describe it but I’m not- not good with the actual ‘getting’ part.”

The princess, the former spy knew, had an eye for fashion. She had to, in the position she’d held. But this surprised even him.

The pants were black with sharp creases down the legs, designed to fit into knee-high boots, also black. The shirt looked like his usual, only instead of his admittedly worn, dingy off-white, this one was a fresh, pristine cream. A new belt, brown nerfhide if he wasn’t mistaken, some sort of vest, and a jacket completed the outfit. The jacket was brown leather, the vest a rich, deep blue, with a standing collar, the hem hip length.

Bodhi gestured to the outfit. “Before the Empire came to Jedha, grooms would wear bright jackets and brides would wear beads and jewels. I didn’t think you were the type to wear a brocade, so Leia found this blue.”

Cassian ran his fingers over both jacket and vest. The leather was soft and supple, but clearly had a thin armoured layer in it. He smiled wryly. There were also pockets inside, not just the two simple patch ones at each breast. It looked a lot like his Alliance uniform, actually, just… new. And better.

The vest was nice, too. Nothing he’d usually wear, the material a little too eye catching. But this was a day for it, wasn’t it?

“I like blue,” he told Bodhi, thinking of his parka, and the almost-black of his midnight blue leather jacket back on the ship.

“Good.”

“Leia doesn’t need to be buying us these things, though.”

“She said it’s coming out of your back pay,” Bodhi informed him.

Well, that was better.

He had lunch with Bodhi, Chirrut, and, surprisingly, Luke Skywalker. The kid still seemed like an eager puppy, with his big eyes and shaggy blonde hair. Compared to Chirrut’s close trim and Bodhi’s short, patchy bristle, it seemed ridiculously long to Cassian.

That reminded him that he’d trimmed his beard to the length he liked it, but his own hair was getting a bit long, even if Jyn had hinted that she liked it the way it was. It kept falling in his eyes and he couldn’t stand it.

“I need to get my hair trimmed,” he said. “Anyone know where I can get that done?”

Luke bobbed his head. “There’s a place nearby. I was going to go after lunch. I can show you.”

“Thanks.” Cassian studied the young man. “How are you adjusting to the Alliance?”

“Oh, it’s… Well, it’s different from home,” Luke said. “But I love training on the flight simulators. It’s strange to be leader of a squadron, though.”

Bodhi, seated next to him, nudged his shoulder. “You’re a natural, though. And I appreciate you letting me join you on some of them.”

“I don’t know why you won’t join the squadron,” Luke said. “You’re good enough.”

Bodhi grimaced a little. “I wasn’t good enough for a TIE fighter.”

Luke snorted. “TIEs are ridiculous. They have no shielding or hyperdrive, and their inertial dampeners aren’t as good as Incoms. I’ll bet that they were looking for someone who could stomach the gravity issues. I know you’ve got anxiety, but really, you’re good enough.”

Cassian watched the flickers of warring doubt and hope on Bodhi’s face. He put in, “The Alliance could use more pilots after the battles recently. Being a transport pilot is safer, but if you want to fly an X-Wing, Bodhi, go for it.”

“Have you ever flown one?” Bodhi asked.

Chirrut’s blank blue eyes seemed to focus on Cassian as the Guardian asked, “Yes, Captain, have you?”

Cassian shrugged. “Once. Wedge Antilles dared me. I can pilot, but it’s… not what I’m best at.”

“What is it that you do?” Luke asked. He paused. “Or did, since you’re leaving.”

Cassian heaved a sigh. “Intelligence. I’ve been a spy. Saboteur. Assassin.”

The kid’s blue eyes went wide, as he clearly remembered the moment Cassian had shoved a blaster in Zafiel Snopps’s face and pulled the trigger. “Assassin?”

“Yes, Luke, I’m a sniper,” Cassian told him flatly, recalling Luke’s indignation at the murder. “I kill people for the Rebellion.”

Luke didn’t take offence at his tone. “That must be hard. I mean… I get it now. Corulag.”

There was an awkward silence. After a moment, Chirrut said, “The Jedi taught that life is to be preserved, yet they carried weapons designed to kill. Sometimes, young Skywalker, lives must be taken to save more.”

Luke considered that, then nodded. “Like the Death Star. There were probably lots of people on there that were just doing their jobs, maybe even were forced into it, but… The Death Star had to go, before the Empire blew up another Alderaan or Jedha.”

The young man looked at Cassian, meeting his gaze solemnly, then nodded.

——-

Jyn managed to occupy herself and Auren for most of the morning, getting the child fed, going over her lessons on the child’s datapad, and the like, until Leia arrived to sweep the two of them off for a spa day at the hotel.

Auren was thrilled by it all, getting her hair styled and her nails done a sparkly pink. Jyn, with some goo slathered on her face, wondered exactly where the girly-girl child had come from, because it certainly didn’t feel like she had had much to do with it.

Truthfully, Jyn had never been to a spa before. She barely knew what they were. The beings that flicked around her—a Zeltron, a Rodian, and two human females—were appalled at Jyn’s hands and feet, though they got quiet at the sight of her scars. Part of her felt humiliated that she was so clearly out of her depth.

If she didn’t know that Leia had so much invested in this, she’d have insisted to Cassian that they just sign some forms and call it done. But somehow, this wedding had become a rallying point for the beleaguered Alliance.

“Why is everyone coming together for this stupid party, when I couldn’t get them to listen about Scarif?” she asked Leia, as the princess stood beside her chair, directing the Zeltron woman in curling and pinning Jyn’s hair.

“Because they wouldn’t listen about Scarif,” Leia told her. “It’s a stanged poor way to apologise, I think, but that’s why. But as I said, the ceremony will be pretty private. It’ll just be Rogue One, me, Han, Luke, and a few of the council. Mon Mothma, Draven, Dodonna, and Cracken.”

“Who’s Cracken?”

Leia motioned the Zeltron out and took over with Jyn’s hair, speaking in a low voice. “Airen Cracken, Draven’s commanding officer.”

Jyn blinked at her in the mirror. “I thought Draven was head of Intelligence.”

Leia shook her head, her long braid slipping forward over her shoulder. She pushed it back impatiently as she said, “No, Cracken is. Draven’s sort of his second-in-command. Cracken’s been working on connecting all of his networks and Davits has taken over a lot of the actual work.”

“Huh.” Well, whatever the story was there, it didn’t really matter after tonight. Cassian was retiring. In a couple of days, they’d be on their way, minus Bodhi, to the Atrivis Sector.

Leia helped Jyn into her dress. She needed the assistance in getting the back done up. “I hope Captain Andor is good with his hands,” the younger woman remarked of the laces that secured the back, and Jyn blushed.

“I take it, from the fact that you remembered him after six years, that he’s not as unassuming in certain areas,” Leia continued, and Jyn couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m not telling,” she said, but her red face said enough, she was sure.

The Zeltron woman came back in to finish Jyn’s makeup, lining her eyes and putting something on her lashes to darken them.

“I feel naked without my blaster,” Jyn murmured. She didn’t have any weapons, didn’t have the leather gloves she never took off.

“You’ll be fine,” Leia assured her. “Pretty much everyone else will be armed. If necessary, you can probably steal someone’s blaster.”

Jyn snorted. “Right.”

Auren looked up with wide dark eyes when Jyn emerged from the back room. “Mama! You’re so pretty!”

Unable to resist, Jyn did a little twirl for her daughter. The dress was floor length, no train, of a soft green, trimmed in heavy gold lace at the cuffs of the long sleeves, the round neck, and the hem, as well as along the edges of a sheer bit that draped down from her right shoulder and up across the left to hang down the back to her hips. Closer to the ceremony, it would act as a sort of veil, which Leia said was important. The outfit was finished with a pair of flat green shoes, unfussy but elegant.

She helped her daughter into the sparkling pink dress she’d chosen, and hung the necklace from Cassian around the girl’s neck.

Then it was time to go. Leia, in the same white gown she’d worn the day Jyn had met her, led them to the tent in the courtyard. Her heart and stomach both fluttered as she heard Cassian’s voice on the other side of the fabric “wall”, speaking in a low voice to Bodhi.

“Cassian,” she said, and heard him approach the divider.

“Jyn.”

“Are you still with me?”

She couldn’t see his face, but she saw the impression of his hand and laid hers over it, the smile in his voice evident as he said, “All the way.”

There was a grumble from Baze on the other side, and Cassian’s hand disappeared. Then Baze came into her side of the tent.

“Chirrut is conducting,” he said. “So I’ll be escorting you.”

The big, gruff man had cleaned up, wearing black robes similar to those Chirrut wore instead of his ubiquitous tan jumpsuit and repeater cannon. His hair was clean, though still in dreadlocks, and he’d trimmed his beard a little.

Jyn gestured to the tent. “What’s all this?”

“Traditional Jedhan ceremony,” Baze told her. “It was Bodhi and Chirrut’s idea.”

“Oh.” She smiled. “I’ve no idea what we’re doing, but I’m game.”

“Just follow Chirrut’s directions.”

“Okay.”

Leia arranged the drape of sheer material over Jyn’s hair, leaving just a few curls exposed and her face framed by gold lace. For once in her life, Jyn actually felt pretty, felt like maybe she deserved the way Cassian looked at her.

It wasn’t long until the ceremony apparently began. Leia indicated that Auren go first, after giving her instructions and a small basket of petals.

Jyn watched through a small gap in the curtains as Auren set out. She was supposed to walk down the aisle, scattering petals, but she got roughly halfway before she broke into a run and dashed the rest of the way to Cassian, slamming into his legs. Jyn saw him laugh and place a hand on their daughter’s head and her heart constricted. How was it possible to love two people this much?

Leia went ahead of her and guided the child off to the side. Then it was Jyn's turn.

She wished her father was here for this, and her mother. But Baze's arm was steady looped through hers.

“Good luck, little sister,” he told her, echoing his words on Scarif, and this time, there was no underlying apprehension.

Cassian looked her way as she stepped out of the tent and his eyes widened. The expression on his face suddenly made all the primping and prodding worth it, as he openly beamed at her. Jyn blushed but couldn't look away.

He took her hands as she and Baze reached him and the guardian stepped back to stand by Leia. Jyn didn't even notice, transfixed as she was by Cassian. He gazed at her with complete adoration, his hands tight on hers.

Chirrut guided them through the ceremony, but Jyn couldn't remember most of it later, just bits and pieces such as their wrists being tied together and a sweet smelling oil anointing their foreheads. Bodhi and Leia both had parts in it.

The clearest part was when Chirrut asked Cassian if he took Jyn to be his wife and partner in all things, bound in the Force, and he said, “I do.” His dark eyes were warm but intent and solemn. Then it was her turn to answer.

A ring exchange wasn't part of the Jedhan ceremony but they incorporated it anyway. Cassian's fingers trembled as he slid the ring onto her finger. She smiled to see it. Hers were much steadier on her turn.

Chirrut pronounced them husband and wife, and Cassian lifted the veil from her hair before he hauled her into his arms, mouth pressed to hers, and Jyn thought she might burst from joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jyn's dress: https://i.imgur.com/bppTw9w.jpg  
> Auren's dress: https://i.imgur.com/jCC1690.jpg


	11. Chapter 11

The reception was held at the largest hotel in the city, spilling out into the courtyard beyond. Since it was also Cassian's retirement, there were a few speeches and toasts. Jyn didn't know most of the people speaking, though Mon Mothma thanked Cassian for his service and wished them luck and happiness in the future. Draven awkwardly toasted them. General Dodonna thanked them for their efforts on Scarif. Bodhi toasted them in the language of Jedha, then thanked them for being his friends when he'd lost everything else.

There was food, and music and dancing. Jyn had never learned to dance, but doing a slow, swaying shuffle in Cassian's arms, her head on his shoulder, was easy enough. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, and she thought she'd probably never be happier than she was today.

She was standing off the makeshift dance floor, a drink in her hand, watching Cassian dance with their daughter, when Leia approached. Auren stood on Cassian's feet, giggling as he performed the steps to whatever dance he was doing. Cassian had the biggest grin she’d ever seen on his face, and it just did something to Jyn’s insides.

“That may be the cutest thing I've ever seen,” the princess remarked.

“He's so good with her,” Jyn sighed. “I'm sorry he missed so much.”

“Yeah.” Leia nodded. “I wanted to ask you something. I know that you're leaving for the Atrivis Sector in a couple days, going to Generis and Fest, and then settling on Dressel if you can. I was wondering if you two would do me a favour.”

“If we can, anything.”

Leia didn't take her eyes off of father and daughter, where Cassian was now twirling Auren under his arm. “I haven't told the council, but I'm going to see if I can track down any survivors from Alderaan. One of the pilots of Gold Squadron is Alderaanian, Evaan Verlaine. The Empire is hunting my people and I need to save them.”

Jyn wasn't part of the Rebellion, and now, neither was Cassian. But that didn't matter. This was different. “What do you need from us?”

“Keep an eye out for any Alderaanians. Maybe see if the Dressellians would be willing to let them settle temporarily there.”

“Of course. I'm very sorry about Alderaan. And I'm sorry that people think you're cold and uncaring.”

Leia's smile was wry. “I think you and I handle things similarly. We grieve privately.”

Jyn thought back to her argument with Cassian after Eadu, then hiding in the engine compartment of the shuttle, crying herself to sleep after raging against the injustice of it all. Of weeping silently for her mother in the bunker behind the house on Lah'mu. “Yes, I think we do.”

A woman with white-blonde hair seemed to suddenly materialise beside Leia, making Jyn jump. The woman, who appeared to be between her and the princess in age, smirked a little before flicking her pale blue gaze between them. She had a similarity to Leia in everything but colouring, though she was a bit taller than Jyn.  
  
She handed a package to Leia, nodded at Jyn, and vanished again.  
  
Jyn frowned. “Who was that?” she asked.  
  
“That's Winter. She's my adopted sister. Actually, I don't know if my parents ever made that official. They took her in when I was four and she was five. She's my best friend and sort of my bodyguard.” Leia smiled. “She also runs errands for me.”  
  
She held the wrapped package out to Jyn. It was rectangular, roughly fifteen centimetres by ten, prettily wrapped. “Here. A wedding present.”  
  
“You already gave us the ship-”  
  
“That's for what you did for the Rebellion,” Leia interrupted. “This is for you and Cassian and for being my friend when I've needed one most.”  
  
Jyn took the gift, feeling the new ring on her finger as she did. She wondered how long it would be before she got used to it.  
  
Cassian appeared at her elbow. “I saw Winter here,” he said to Leia. “Tell her thank you for Kaytoo.”  
  
“I will,” Leia told him.  
  
Jyn paused in opening the wrapping. “Wait. _She’s_  Targeter?”  
  
Cassian nodded. “She's even better than you at theft and forgery. Draven is ecstatic to have her in Intelligence.”  
  
“Please tell me he won't make her do the things he's made you do.”  
  
Leia's features hardened. “He's absolutely not going to. She's in Acquisitions. Winter can take care of herself but I told Draven that if he so much as thinks of sending her to do that, I'll personally kick his ass.”  
  
Jyn snorted at the thought of tiny Leia taking on the tall human male. She returned her attention to the package and finished ripping the wrapping off.  
  
Inside was a plasteel box. On the top, it was labelled, “Prisoner Belongings - Hallik, Liana”.  
  
With suddenly shaking hands, Jyn opened it, as Leia said, “I send her on errands, to fetch things, like from the prison on Corulag.”  
  
The prison on Corulag, where Jyn had been stripped of everything except her kyber necklace and the little locket holding the tiny braid of Auren's hair.  
  
Inside the box were a variety of cred chips, scandocs in the name of Liana Hallik, and trinkets she'd been carrying at the time, including a pebble she'd carried for two years, one Auren had given her the morning she'd been taken. She still remembered the toddler pausing on their morning walk to the shop, picking up the grey rock with its sparkling pink veins, pressing it into her hand with a proud and excited, “Look, Mama! Pink!”  
  
But it was the little memory chip for a holo unit that caught her attention.  
  
Jyn plucked it out of the box with trembling fingers. “Oh. I didn't- I thought this was gone forever,” she whispered.  
  
“What is it?” Cassian asked.  
  
She looked up at him, smiling through the tears suddenly running down her cheeks. “It's Auren's baby holos,” she told him.

His eyes widened. “I want to look at those.”

“I never thought you’d get to.” Jyn turned to Leia and hugged her. She wasn’t someone who hugged people readily, but “thank you” didn’t cut it this time. “You’ve given me back something I thought was gone forever. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”  
  
“I’m happy to have helped,” Leia told her. “And you’ve given me a bit of my mother back, anyway.”

Leia pulled away then. “I’m going to go see what Luke is up to. I’ll drop a code cylinder off at your room with contact information before we leave.”

Jyn nodded. As Leia left, she let Cassian draw her into his arms.

“Where is Leia going?”

She told him about Leia and Evaan’s plans. He nodded and said, “Of course we’ll help as much as we can.”  
  
“That’s what I said.” Jyn carefully put the contents of the box back in it and closed it. “I’m so tempted to leave early so I can show you these holos.”

He smiled. “Among other things.”

She blushed a little. “Cassian.”

His hands slid down to her hips. “Jyn.”

She bit her lip. “Just a little longer, then we will.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

——-

Cassian took the box from Jyn and took it to Kaytoo. “Kay, I need you to keep this safe for me. Can you take it up to our room and put it in the bedroom there?”

Kay looked at the box and its inscription. “What is this?”

He briefly explained its contents, and Kay said, “Yes, I will keep this safe for you. Do you want me to guard it until you retire to your room?”

Cassian felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. “Only if you want to. This party is probably boring you.”

“I am avoiding General Organa’s protocol droid. This is the perfect excuse to escape interaction.”

He had to laugh. “Okay, then. Guard it if you want.”

As Kay left with the box, Cassian glanced around the reception. He saw that Mon Mothma was seated at a table, Auren beside her, listening intently to whatever his daughter was saying. Jyn had let Han convince her to dance with him, and Cassian watched as the Corellian tried to teach her a few moves.

She was so beautiful, it took his breath. When he’d seen her in the early evening, in her green and gold dress that brought out the golden flecks in her brilliant green eyes, he couldn’t believe that she was marrying _him_.

She probably would have been more comfortable with a quick, no nonsense exchange in her regular clothes, but he wouldn’t trade the memories of today for anything.

He cut through the crowd and went straight for where his wife—his _wife_!—was laughing as Han tried to spin her under his arm. Cassian caught her as she finally executed the turn. The other man wisely held up his hands and stepped back.

Jyn’s eyes were wide as she collided with Cassian, but her smile on realising it was him lit her pretty face. “Hi.”

“Hi. May I have this dance?”

“You may.” She grinned impishly. “I missed you.”

“I was gone two minutes.”

“Don’t care. That was two minutes too long.” Her expression turned sultry. “How many formalities do we have to get through before we can leave?”

He chuckled as he took her hand, leading her into a slow turn around the floor. “Oh, so _now_  you want to leave?”

“Thinking about it.” She bit her bottom lip, and for a moment, Cassian lost his train of thought. He wanted to kiss her, and more, so very badly.

He gave into the urge to kiss her, dipping his head to press his lips to hers. She sighed against his mouth, surging up on her toes to meet him. There was a scattering of applause from those around them, and they broke apart with a laugh.

Bodhi appeared through the crowd then. “Leia says you need to cut this ryshcate thing and then you can leave.”

“Are we that obvious?” Cassian asked.

“No,” the pilot said, “but there’s a pool going as to how fast you leave. Faster you leave, the more money I make.

Jyn laughed. “You’re terrible. Alright. Let’s find Auren first, though. She’ll want to be part of this cake cutting business.”

——-

For the second time in her life, Jyn woke to find herself tangled in the bare limbs of Cassian Andor. She woke suddenly, as she usually did, but this time, there was no flash of panic or embarrassment. She lay for a moment in the morning light—filtering in through the curtains of their hotel room window—on her back with Cassian's face burrowed into her shoulder, one arm tight around her, legs twined with hers, and she smiled.

She had stubble burn everywhere, and his hair tickled her cheek and chin, ruffling as she breathed. Jyn was surprised by how content she felt. Sharing a bed with him wasn't anything new, they'd been doing it for weeks, but this was different. And undeniably good. She felt safe, despite the fact that she was nude as the day she'd been born and there were no weapons within reach.

Jyn had been raised not to trust anyone and she didn't, not easily. But when she'd been younger, bone-weary from tending a tiny baby all by herself, she'd wished she weren't alone, that she had someone with her. Sometimes she'd wake from dreams where she was held by the strong arms of someone who loved her. She'd never have admitted to those dreams, of course, but she'd had them.

Most times, the man had been faceless, but sometimes, he'd had Jeron's features.

Jyn rolled to her side to face Cassian. He grumbled and tugged her close, hand splaying over her back, head still tucked under her chin. She combed her fingers through his hair and sighed.

This was exactly what she'd hoped for, and having it with Cassian made a warm feeling bubble up in her chest. She kissed the top of his head.

He made another sound of protest and mumbled, "What time is it?"

"No idea. Morning."

Cassian huffed out a breath and pushed up a little, blinking sleepy brown eyes. Then he smiled, long and slow, and Jyn felt herself pinken in response. "Good morning, Mrs. Andor."

She cupped his cheek in a hand. "Good morning, Mr. Andor."

He turned his head to kiss her palm. She shivered but pressed closer.

“I love you,” she breathed. “Cassian.”

Cassian pushed up on an arm so that he was looking down at her, dark eyes intent. “I love you, Jyn.”

He threaded his fingers through the loose tangle of waves left of the curls she’d worn the day before. “On Yavin, when I said ‘welcome home’...”

Jyn reached up to touch his face. “I know. I thought we were going to die. I’m so glad we didn’t.”

“I’ve never wanted this before. I’m so glad it’s you, Jyn.”

She pushed up to kiss him. Against his mouth, she murmured, “Same here.”

Cassian rolled to his back, dragging her with him so that she sprawled across his chest. She braced her hands on his shoulders, the blaster burn scar slick under her left hand.

“What are you thinking?” she asked.

“Wondering what I want more: sleep or to make love to you again.”

She grinned and bent to kiss the scar. “Why not both? Not necessarily in that order.”

“I like your thinking.”

“You usually do.”

——-

It was closer to midday the next time Cassian woke. Normally, he was up early, but it was nice to lie here with Jyn, knowing he had nowhere to be, nothing to do. It would probably drive him crazy soon, but for now, he was enjoying it.

Jyn was still dozing, face mashed into her pillow, makeup smudged, snoring softly. Cassian smiled, watching her. She rarely let her guard down like this; even in sleep, she was usually a little tense, one hand on the vibroblade she kept under her pillow.

He ran his finger down the curve of her spine, noting a few old, faded scars. Nothing looked like it had been life threatening, but they were still signs of everything she’d suffered.

Cassian leaned over and kissed one that sliced across her shoulder blade. It looked like a shrapnel graze, very old.

“I was a little slow getting to cover after Codo threw a grenade at some Imps,” she mumbled, without lifting her head. “I was fourteen. We weren’t even attacking anything. Just getting some supplies to take back to the base.”

He pushed up to a sitting position as she rolled to her side, and gestured to a furrow on his right shoulder, just about where it turned into his bicep on the outside. “A splinter the size of my thumb from a frag bomb on Corellia, when I was eighteen. That was before it was the Alliance. Then, I was just one of Draven’s resistance members.”

“When did he recruit you?”

“When I was sixteen. I was with the Fest Resistance as a child, then the Atrivis Sector Resistance after… After my mother died.”

Jyn ran her hand up his arm, tracing her fingers over the scar on his shoulder. “How did you lose them? Your parents?”

He shrugged. “Papá, my father Jeron, went to Carida when I was a little older than six. He and several other Separatist-leaning … protestors, let’s call them, went to a rally at the Carida Academy to protest ‘Supreme Chancellor Palpatine’ converting it to a military complex. I looked it up later, but a riot broke out. The clone troopers stationed there opened fire. My father was killed. My mother had stayed with me and my little brother, Izan, on Fest.”

“I didn’t know you have a brother.”

He looked down at her hand on his arm. “I don’t. Izan died when I was seven. My mother wasn’t the same after. She became a soldier. I went from throwing rocks at the clones to learning how to use a blaster. Mamá… I was just shy of thirteen when she and a team went to attack an Imperial cargo shipment. I still don’t know what happened. There was a big explosion. No one made it out of the depot. Not my mother, not her team, or the Imperials, or the twenty to thirty civilians.”

His wife frowned, green eyes full of sympathy, but not pity. “That’s awful.”

Cassian leaned down to kiss the curve of her shoulder. Like the rest of their relationship to this point, it felt natural to be here like this with her, to touch her without reserve.

“I think that was the same year you lost your mother,” he told her, as he turned his head to meet her eyes.

She dragged him down and raked her fingers through his hair. He shivered, pulling her close with a hand on her hip. “We won’t be just fuzzy memories to our children,” she whispered.

“Children?” he asked. He bumped her nose with his as he ghosted his mouth over hers. “Plural?”

Her mouth curved up in a sweet smile that he wanted to remember forever. “At least one more. Auren deserves a sibling.”

“Mmm.” He considered it. He remembered too well being alone after Izan died, after his mother died, alone even in the Rebellion until he’d reprogrammed Kaytoo. And Jyn hadn’t had the Rebellion. Besides that, he wanted to see her pregnant, experience everything he’d missed with their daughter. “I like that idea.”

He slid his mouth lower, to her jaw and then her neck. “Maybe not immediately, but it wouldn’t hurt to practise.”

She squealed a laugh as he rolled her under him, and soon was too breathless for anything except his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Jyn and Cassian's wedding night, [click here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13337463).


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left after this, but rest assured, I AM working on more.

He ordered breakfast delivered to the room, an unheard-of luxury neither of them had ever experienced: nerf sausages, fried peko-peko eggs, charbote root hash, and griddle cakes with a sweet syrup. Jyn ate as if starving, which didn’t surprise him, though he’d hope she’d have learned by now that food was a regular thing now. It reminded him of how thin she’d been when they’d first met on Vohai.

“Did Saw even feed you?” he asked.

“Nutrient milk,” she told him. “Sometimes, on missions away from the base, we’d get food, or the others would bring things in. But all Saw provided was nutrient milk. I … There was a boy, I stayed with him and his mother for a few weeks after Saw dumped me. They tried to teach me to cook.” She flushed a little, and Cassian figured there was more to “the boy” than that. She’d lost her virginity sometime before meeting him, after all. “I didn’t really learn anything until I got to Alderaan, though. Ezri taught me some basic things.”

“Ezri?”

“She was Auren’s nurse,” Jyn told him. “At the hospital in Aldera. And my friend.”

He reached across the table. “You think she was on the planet?”

She shrugged. “I have no reason not to.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I just… hope it was quick and she didn’t see it coming. That she didn’t suffer.” Jyn poked at her eggs with her fork and sighed. “She helped me get through everything. Taught me how to take care of a baby. And myself. Saw taught me how to to fight. Ezri taught me how to live.”

He laced his fingers with hers, feeling the calluses that her gloves usually hid. “I’m glad you had her.”

Jyn flashed him a smile. Cassian decided he’d never get tired of seeing it. “What about you?” she asked. “Who took care of you?”

He shrugged. “The Fest Resistance, basically. For two years, I was just… one of the war orphans. Then Travia Chan stepped in and made me an actual soldier. Which was ridiculous, looking back. I was short and pudgy and looked like I was ten years old.”

His wife grinned at him. “ _You_ , pudgy? My skinny Cassian?”

“I’ll see, when we get to Generis, if Travia still has any holos,” he said, “but yes. It wasn’t until Draven found us, our little resistance, and recruited me, that I … lost the baby fat and started looking less like a child that some idiot had handed a gun.”

Her look turned wry. “I was eight when Saw handed me a blaster. My mother had been dead about four days. Everyone underestimated me and dismissed me because I was so small. It made me rather effective at killing unsuspecting stormtroopers.”

Cassian nodded. “Yes. That was one reason Draven recruited me. I didn’t _look_ like what he shaped me into.”

She made a face and put down her fork. “I don’t want Auren to experience what we did. Look what it did to us. But I… don’t have delusions that the war will miraculously leave us alone. It won’t end tomorrow. I want her safe… which means we’re going to have to teach her at least some things.”

He sighed. “I know. I’ve been thinking about that. She’s not even six yet. But if we have blasters in the house, we need to teach her safety about them. To leave them alone, but also how to use them if absolutely necessary. It scares the hells out of me, Jyn.”

“Me, too.”

Though the conversation had turned his stomach a bit, Cassian still finished his food. He knew too well that eating what you had when you had it was important. Jyn, clearly, knew the same, and polished off her sausages.

Forcing the darker thoughts away, he studied Jyn in his shirt, her hair loose around her shoulders. Beautiful as she’d been in her wedding dress, he preferred this look on her.

He stood and held out his hand. Jyn grinned and took it, letting him pull her to her feet. The shirt she’d borrowed covered the essentials, but left enough leg bare that it was distracting. Fortunately, they had nowhere to be and he had every reason in the galaxy to follow the distraction.

“Cassian, we _just- Really_?”

“Really.”

“Oh, alright, then.”

——-

When they finally returned to their still-unnamed ship, it was to find a big pile of crates waiting for them, along with a young woman sporting a shock of green hair and a pink dress perched on one of them, holding a datapad.

Jyn raised both brows. “Who are you?”

The young woman, who couldn’t be older than twenty, hopped off the crate. She was as tall as Cassian, which was startling and made Jyn feel very short. “Ensign Holdo. You’re Jyn Erso.”

“Andor,” Jyn corrected.

“Right. Jyn Andor.”

Cassian’s smirk was obvious only to her as he took the datapad from Holdo. “Thank you, Ensign Holdo. Leia finally recruited you, did she?”

Holdo shrugged. Her blue eyes were bright. “My seat in the legislature was dissolved, so I needed something to do. This seemed like more fun than going home.”

Jyn looked from the girl to Cassian. “I’m confused.”

Cassian paused in scrolling through whatever was on the screen and gestured to Holdo. “Amilyn Holdo, former junior senator from Gatalenta. Friend of Leia’s. Holdo, my wife, Jyn.”

“Ah.” Holdo didn’t offer a hand, so Jyn didn’t, either. “Are you in Intelligence, then?”

“Sort of.” She didn’t explain any further. “General Draven wanted me to turn these over to you. And ask if you know where Leia is.”

Cassian frowned and shook his head. “No. We haven’t seen her since the reception. Why?”

“It seems that the Princess is AWOL,” Holdo told them cheerfully. “And Verlaine.”

“We’ve been a little occupied,” Jyn drawled. “This is the first we’re hearing of it.”

Holdo blushed a little, but didn’t comment. “The General would still like to speak to you,” she said to Cassian.

“I’m retired,” he pointed out.

She waved a hand at the crates. Cassian sighed and pulled out his commlink.

“Would you oversee the loading?” he asked Jyn.

“Sure.”  
  
Holdo gestured to two uniformed men who’d been hanging back. Jyn watched Cassian retreat a discreet distance to make his call.

The boarding ramp of the ship lowered as Jyn was directing the men in moving the crates into the open hold. Kaytoo lumbered out, followed by-

“Mama!”

Auren raced over, latching onto Jyn like a mynock. “You’re back!”

“We are. Did you have a good time with Baze and Chirrut?”

“Uh-huh. I missed you an’ Papa, though.”

“And we missed you.” She bent to embrace her daughter. “You should go back in, poppet. We don’t want anyone dropping one of these big boxes on you. You’d squish!”

Auren made a face and scampered back to the ship. Kaytoo, who had watched silently, said, “I admit limited experience with human children, but she was remarkably well behaved in your absence. It must be Cassian’s influence.”

Jyn snorted. “Thanks for that.”

She went to the hold from the inside of the ship, dropping her bag off in her cabin on the way. She found Baze just inside the hold, arms crossed over his broad chest.

“I hope Auren didn’t give you too much trouble.”  
  
“She was fine. Tried to convince us to let her stay up later last night. Chirrut said yes, then began telling her a story. It ended up being a whole ten minutes later.” He grinned. Then Baze cast his eyes over the supplies in the hold. “I thought Cassian was retiring.”  
  
“We're doing this as a favour to Draven, but yes. He is. Mostly. Retiring was the only way he could get the break he needs.” Jyn wrapped her arms around herself and sighed.  
  
“He won't stay out of the fight long,” he pointed out.  
  
She smiled wryly. “No. And I wouldn't ask it of him. We both… As much as I want to run to the farthest edge of the galaxy and hide, I can't. But helping doesn't mean we have to be _here_ , where Draven can drag Cassian back into the hole that's been swallowing him.”  
  
Baze’s dark gaze moved to her face. “You're worried about him.”  
  
“Of course I am.” Jyn let her arms drop to her sides and stepped back, out of the hold. Baze followed as she turned to go back to the lounge. “If he stays here… He's really good at the Intelligence thing, _really_ good. He's got the most successful missions out of everyone. Most agents don't even live through twelve missions, never past twenty. Cassian's got twenty-three under his belt. But it's eating him alive. And if he stays, we both know they'll find a way to use him like that, even if he transfers to a different division.”  
  
The guardian nodded solemnly. “So we go to where he grew up and leave this stuff there, unofficially, so that he doesn't have to take orders but can still help.”  
  
“Pretty much. And Dressel is an Alliance-aligned world, so anything we hear, we can pass along to the proper channels. Again, unofficially.”  
  
She glanced towards the cockpit, where Cassian has finished his call and he and Kaytoo were going over the controls. “And if something needs doing, we don't need to consult the council,” she added quietly. “We just do it. They can't imprison us if we're not actually in the Rebellion.”  
  
Baze made a gruff sound, akin to a laugh. “So we're going rogue again.”  
  
She smiled. “I guess so. But my first priority is keeping Auren safe. Then it's the fight against the Empire.”

There was a bang on the hull near the boarding ramp, and a rather dishevelled Bodhi came stumbling in. His hair still stuck out in odd patches, his dark eyes were wide, and his caf-and-cream skin had gone a particularly unhealthy sallow yellow.

“Jyn,” he groaned. “I saw it.”

Jyn grabbed him before he could fall and she and Baze guided him back to the lounge, where he slumped into a seat. It was there that she saw he held a small holoprojector in his shaking hands. She took it from him so he didn’t drop it.

“What’s wrong, little brother?” Baze asked gruffly, as he eased himself into the seat beside the trembling pilot.

Bodhi flapped his hands at the device Jyn held. “Jedha,” he choked out. “One of the scout ships. It- They-”

With a frown, Jyn pressed the button on the projector.

She immediately wished she hadn’t. The sound Baze made—Bodhi was now staring at the table top—was almost worse than the bleached blue visual. She was sure the reality was infinitely more terrible.

The holo, roughly a little bigger than her head, showed a sphere that had been shattered on one side, hemorraghing debris, gases, and molten rock into space. Nearly half the moon had erupted out, the atmosphere ragged around it.

She stared for several horrified seconds, then turned it off and tossed it on the table before crowding in next to Bodhi to throw her arms around him. She had struggled to comfort Cassian after the loss of Kaytoo. These things weren’t first nature to her, but she also knew Bodhi was about to fall apart all over again. She had to do _something_.

“I’m sorry,” she told him. “I’m so sorry.”

“He said it- My fault,” he told her brokenly. “Said it was my fault.”

He pressed his face against her shoulder and sobbed. Over his head, she met Baze’s eyes. The older man’s renewed anger made his eyes burn bright with unshed tears.

Chirrut came out of their cabin to see what the commotion was about. He found his way to his husband and clasped Baze’s shoulder.

That was how Cassian found the four of them when he left the cockpit. Being a smart man, he zeroed in on the holoprojector, picked it up, and flicked it on. Three seconds’ perusal was all he gave it before he turned it off.

“Where did this come from?” he asked quietly. “Bodhi? Who gave this to you?”

He mumbled a name that wasn’t familiar to Jyn. Cassian’s expression tightened.

“I’ll be right back,” he told her, and virtually stormed off the ship with the device.

“Someone is in trouble,” Kaytoo observed. Jyn couldn’t help an irreverent snort of laughter. She wouldn’t want to be on Cassian’s bad side. And now that he was retired, well… Protocol couldn’t keep him from punching someone.

Auren emerged cautiously from her room, holding Mog. “Mama? Why’s Uncle Bodhi crying?” she asked in a loud whisper.

Jyn pulled Auren onto her lap. Bodhi still had one arm around her. “Come here, poppet. You know how we told you that some people are very bad, and they do things to good people?”

Auren nodded, chewing on Mog’s paw. “Empire?” she asked.

“Yes. Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut are from a place called Jedha. The Empire destroyed their home. Someone gave Bodhi a holo of it, a holo of after.”

Her daughter considered that in silence for several moments. “That was mean. Why?”

“I don’t know, baby.”

Auren crawled from her lap into Bodhi’s. He was startled by the sudden presence of a small child.

“I’m sorry they was mean, Uncle Bodhi!” the little girl told him. “And that the bad men did that. You can live wif us!”

Baze made a sound of amusement. Chirrut smiled. His face was drawn, reminded of the destruction he’d felt but not seen.

“She’s right,” Jyn told Bodhi. “There’s room. You’re always welcome with us.”

Bodhi heaved a sigh and hugged Auren. “I appreciate that,” he said softly. “But I … I want to help here, while I can.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Yes. I-I’m sure. I want to stay. For a while, anyway.”

“Okay.”

Baze patted Bodhi’s shoulder. “Jedha may be gone, little brother, but its people are not. Even if it’s just the three of us.”

“There are others out there,” Chirrut said, the first words he’d spoken since Bodhi’s arrival. “We will gather them and those from Alderaan.”

Jyn gave a start. Only she and Cassian knew what Leia was doing. How had Chirrut known?

His sightless eyes seemed to look right at her. “The Force is strong, Jyn.”

“You know it freaks me out when you do that,” she said.

He grinned.


	13. Chapter 13

Jyn wasn’t great at cooking, but she could manage caf well enough. She brewed enough for the four of them, after sending Auren back to her room to play, and quietly told them what Leia was doing. She was concerned about getting Bodhi in trouble if anyone found out he knew, but he shrugged it off.

“I know she left,” he said. “Everyone knows that. Most of us suspect why, too. Knowing for sure makes no difference.”

Cassian returned sometime later with a strip of bandage wrapped around his hand and a satisfied expression. Jyn handed him some caf with a raised brow.

“It’s settled,” he told Bodhi. “And if anyone targets you again, go straight to Draven or Dodonna with it.”

“How- How did you know they did it to… pick on me?” Bodhi asked.

“Because that was classified and no one in the fleet should have been able to see it, let alone copy it and track you down to leave you a copy.” Cassian shook his head. “Draven was very unhappy that someone was digging through Intelligence’s files. That someone is being court martialed as we speak.”

“Thanks,” Bodhi said softly. “I don’t want to be trouble for anyone.”

“You’re not,” Cassian told him firmly. “But the harassment may continue.”

“It’s because he defected, isn’t it?” Jyn asked hotly. “At the council meeting, they dismissed him because he defected. But _everyone_  is a defector! We’re all rebels, whether we’ve joined up or not, because we oppose the Empire!”

Her husband nodded grimly. “Yes. They forget that too easily. And when we leave today, we won’t be here to fight for you, Bodhi.”

Bodhi ran his scarred hands over his scarred and bristly head. “I know. I need to stand up for myself. That’s why I joined, right? To stand up to the galaxy’s biggest bullies? I’ll get practise in with the little guys here.”

“Anyone hurts you,” Jyn told him, “tell us and I’ll come straight back and kick their arses!”

Bodhi laughed. It occurred to her that he hadn’t really seen her fight. The others had, but not Bodhi.

“Before we leave,” she said, “let me give you some self defence lessons.”

He looked skeptical, but agreed.

——-

Jyn spent the early afternoon teaching Bodhi how to fight. The Imperial Academy had failed in doing so, which didn’t surprise her at all. Then she recommended he find a sergeant with the Pathfinders, a man named Kes Dameron that she’d been working with to train recruits, and follow up with him.

“He’s a good man. He and his girlfriend just joined. Haven’t met her, but he says she’s a pilot.” She gave Bodhi a hug. “I’m going to miss you. I’ll try to send you messages, but things being what they are…”

“Yeah. I’ll miss you, too.” He ruffled her hair and she pretended to swat him.

It was hard watching him leave, wondering if she’d ever see him again. He’d become like a brother to her in the past weeks, the sibling she’d never had.

“You alright?”

She glanced up as Cassian came to join her at the open ramp, watching Bodhi board his own transport back to _Home One_. “Yeah. Just… worried.”

“He’ll be fine, Jyn.”

She nodded, but wasn’t sure. “We have everything set?”

He reached over and pressed the control for the ramp. As it rose, he said, “Now we do.”

“Good. Let’s get out of here.”

Still, she couldn’t help a tiny shiver of foreboding as the door closed, and she didn’t know why.

——-

With Kaytoo in the copilot seat, Cassian started the ship’s engines.

“They’ll want a call signal,” Kay said, as Cassian settled the comms headset on his head. “Have you two settled on a name for the ship?”

Jyn poked her head in, leaning on the back of Cassian’s chair. “Bodhi picked it months ago,” she said. “I see no reason to change it.”

Smiling faintly, Cassian reached up to clasp her hand. “Alliance Control, this is _Rogue One_ requesting departure.”

There was a pause, then, “Granted, _Rogue One_. May the Force be with you.”

Auren scampered in. “Papa! I wanna see!”

He pulled his daughter onto his lap, holding her secure with one arm as Kay handled liftoff. “You’ll need to sit with Mamá in a moment, _pequeña_. Are the others strapped in, Jyn? I don’t know yet how this thing handles the jump to lightspeed.”

“Everyone’s buckled except for me, Auren, and Target Practise here.”

“I do not require safety webbing,” Kay retorted. “Unlike fragile organics, I can survive a bit of turbulence.”

Jyn stuck her tongue out at him, which made Cassian smile. His wife got settled as the ship headed towards space. Auren squirmed with excitement as the blue sky thinned to an expanse of stars.

“Alright, _nena_ , go sit with your mother.”

Auren slid off his lap and over to Jyn, who wrapped both arms firmly around their daughter. Cassian checked them over his shoulder before turning to Kay.

“We need to jump into the Rimma Trade Route,” he told the droid. “Then into the Corellian Trade Spine. Fastest would be to take the Corellian Run to Coruscant and take the smaller lanes from there, but that’s too deep into Imperial territory for my comfort.”

“Everything is Imperial territory,” Kay pointed out. “It would probably be safer to take the Hydian Way to Botajef, jump out to Sernpidal, and circle back to Dantooine and from there to Generis.”

Cassian nodded. “Let’s do that. It won’t be as fast, but it avoids the Core.”

“Isn’t Yavin off the Hydian Way?” Jyn asked.

“Via the Gordian Way into the Gordian Reach, yes,” Cassian said. “Why?”

“Just thinking we should take Auren there, someday. Not now. I’m sure the Empire is all over that sector, with it so recently evacuated.”

He glanced back as she kissed the top of Auren’s head. “Someday,” he agreed.

“I have finished calculations,” Kay announced, as he plugged coordinates into the navicomputer. “Preparing for hyperspace.”

“Watch this, poppet,” Cassian heard Jyn murmur to their child. He smiled to himself and reached up to pull the hyperdrive lever.

Unlike the _Millennium Falcon_ , or his old U-Wing, the Nubian ship made the jump smoothly. The stars streaked into lines, and then they were in the swirling blue of hyperspace.

Auren left her mother and crawled back into his lap. He spent a good ten minutes explaining hyperspace and space travel to her, though he wasn’t sure how much she actually understood, before she got bored and left.

“You have the controls, Kay.” Cassian unbuckled his crash webbing and stood. To Jyn, he said, “It’s four days to Botajef, and another two to Dantooine. A lot of smaller jumps from there to Generis. We should be there in, oh, eight days or so.”

She grimaced as she stood. “At least we’ve plenty of room. The trip to Scarif was awful.”

He took her hand. “We do. And we have a room to ourselves.”

“If you’re speaking of fornicating,” Kay put in, “please abstain from it in public areas.”

“Oh, but I wanted to have my way with Cassian in the pilot’s chair.”

Cassian made a choking noise. “Jyn!”

She chortled, a sound he relished, and tugged on his hand. “Come on. I can think of a way to occupy some of our time.”

He followed her to their cabin. To his surprise, instead of locking the door and removing clothes, Jyn went to the built in desk and retrieved the box Leia had given them. She’d picked up a small holocube in the hotel’s gift shop and removed the generic souvenir holo, replacing it with the one from the box.

Then she climbed up on the bed and patted the space beside her. “C’mere. I have things to show you.”

Cassian removed his boots and joined her on the bed. She snuggled into his side and handed him the device.

He turned it on. The first that came up was a strange image he couldn’t make heads or tails of, until she said, “This is the holographic ultrasound I got on Naboo, the week before I left for Alderaan. I wasn’t quite four months pregnant. This is her head, and her hands, and her feet.”

A lump formed in his throat as the image resolved and he made out the very first picture of their daughter. “How big was she here?”

“Tiny. From crown to rump, only about ten centimetres. She was about four times that when she was born, but still so small.”

Jyn pressed the button to advance to the next holo, an image of her at barely seventeen, holding a very small baby in her arms. “She had to be in this special care unit at the hospital, because she was early. She was born at forty-four weeks by the Galactic Standard calendar. She should have been born at fifty-six weeks. Ezri took this one of the times I got to hold her the first day. I never fed her myself. I mean, I had this pump thing and we gave her that, supplemented by special formula, but I never nursed her. I’d stopped producing by the time she was strong enough for it.”

He kissed the top of her head. “You’re so young here. What was I thinking?”

Jyn chuckled. “We were both young and stupid that night.”

Cassian went to the next one, and the next, as Jyn explained them. Some were static holos, some moved. She hadn’t caught Auren’s first words, but close to it. She did have the girl’s first steps, and birthdays up to Auren’s third.

“They took her two weeks after she turned three,” Jyn told him. The grief in her voice was a stab to his gut. “I missed four and five.”

Cassian turned the holocube off and set it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. Then he gathered Jyn into his arms. “We won’t miss the rest,” he said. “And I’ll be here for the next child.”

She picked at a thread on his shirt, one of his old ones, then turned those green eyes his way. “My implant is up in two months. Do we want to update it, or…?”

He placed his hand on her lower abdomen, thinking for a moment before he answered. “Let’s say no, and see what happens?”

“That sounds good to me.”

He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and leaned in, just shy of kissing her. “But we should get some practise in. I think Baze will watch Auren for a bit.”

“Oh, definitely,” she agreed, and pulled him down.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this one, but don't worry, there's another one in the works!


End file.
